Numberous FUnny thingys....LONG!
REAL EMAIL ADDRESSES!
Many colleges and business's tend to strip the last name down to 6
characters and add the first and last initial to either the beginning or
end to make up an E-Mail address. For example, Mary L. Ferguson =
mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the
problems that may happen when you have a large and diverse pool of people
to choose from.
Add to that a large database of company/college acronyms and you have
some very funny addresses. Probably not funny to the individualinvolved,
however:
TOP TEN Actual E-mail Addresses
===============================
10. Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) - [email protected]
9. Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) - [email protected]
8. George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.) -
[email protected]
7. Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) -
[email protected]
6. Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University) - [email protected]
5. Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating) -
[email protected]
4. Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) - [email protected]
3. Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) - [email protected]
2. Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division,
Overton
Canada) - [email protected]
1. Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us) - [email protected]
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HELLOCOPTER AND MICROSOFT
A helicopter was flying around Seattle yesterday when an electrical
malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and
communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not
determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten
sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE
AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign, and held in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A
HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the
course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU
ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot
responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar
to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely
useless answer."
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FLOPPY DRIVE!?!?!?
One day while returning to my desk after a routine call, a young lady
flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy drive won't work, can you
help me?"
I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where I
found shredded up clear plastic baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5"
floppy drive. While I spent the next 20 minutes getting her disk out and
digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys in the corner trying awful
hard to keep a straight face. I asked her how the plastic got in the
drive.
"Oh, you mean the condom? Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always
put a condom on my disk before inserting it to prevent it from catching
viruses." By this point, John & Dave were roaring and it was all I could
do to keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard
3.5" plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke
had been played and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked, "Does
that mean that I don't have to stroke it ten times or blow on it either?"
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(just a couple more)
This next one is my favorite...ive encountered people like this working at my brothers store
STUPID QUESTIONS!
A woman called the Cannon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asker her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman
then responded, "NO, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good
point... The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window,
and his is working just fine."
Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse pad, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document
back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to
keep it.
Customer: "Can you copy the internet for me onto this diskette?"
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go
something like this:
Customer: "Hi... Is this the internet?"
Some people pay for their online services with check made payable to
"The Internet."
Customer: "So, that will get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh... uh... uh...yeah."
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game..."
Tech Support: "All right then, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot it."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash - it crashed!"
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before! I crashed
the spaceship, and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: Click on "File", then "New Game".
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
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FEMALE CPU???
As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being
female (e.g., "Steady as she goes" or "She's listing to
starboard, Captain!")
Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced
that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their
reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are female:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other
computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as
informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm
certainly not going to tell you."
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory
for later retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
However, another group of computer scientists, (all female)
think that computers should be referred to as if they were male.
Their reasons follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are male:
1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the
time they ARE the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had
waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.
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I hope these brought a smile to your face, as they did mine...
Bye
