Wild Goose Chase for the Noobie!

This is an excerpt from SirDice in a different thread, but It got me to thinking about how we send the new guy around on wild goose chases to break them in. So out of curiosity what are some of the errands you guys have sent your noobies on?

For instance: While in the military and stationed with the attack helicopter battalion, we would send noobies out to get a bucket of rotor wash. Rotor wash is actually the wind created by the propellers, not a cleaning agent.

Quote:

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Originally posted here by SirDice
User stupidity, don't even get me started on this one.........

If your company is large enough then there will always be a small percentage that's just so incredibly stupid, you just can't believe some of the things they do or try.

somenewguy: "Is this network operations?"
me: "Yes, it is."
somenewguy: "My boss wanted to get something and the guys downstairs said I should ask here"
me: "Well, what do you need?"
somenewguy: "My boss told me to get a box of landscape paper."
me: "Doh!"

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They are always fun as long as you are not the victim. one of my favorite ones was : run up there and get a tin of elbow grease.

Some have heard me spouting about radio stuff in other threads. So.... Here are a couple of items to share:

We used to send No0bs to the local supply store to buy a "bucket of Frequency Grease" to make antennas work better. Or to call up a help desk when having problems communicating over long distance and open up a ticket on "the Ionosphere” Of course it may not sound funny to some but they are hilarious.

Oh one more, telling someone to hit the ON/OFF switch by phonetically saying it, they have to think about it for a while before the light comes on. "Hit the Oh En Oh Eff Eff switch."

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explanation: In basic radio theory the ionosphere is the layer of atmosphere that reflects our radio signals at certain frequencies. Long distance, as in global communications is very, I mean very sensitive to this phenomena. In fact a daily magnetic weather report is used to determine the best frequencies to utilize when solar flare are smacking down on us from space as well as the daily barrage from solar wind.

When I used to work on cars with my dad we used to joke around with people that they needed a new piston return spring in their car. ;)

A hatful of 3/8" holes was always a favorite when I was in me mob... It was usually followed by a trip to stores for a new hat....

I know one person who actually went all the way through with this so it is true why soldiers are call Grunts.

Some more military runarounds:

Go to the Supply Sergeant and get a box of grid squares. Or one-hundred feet of chow line when it is near dinner time.

One of my favorites was when my LT asked the Motor Sergeant for an A.S.H. Recepticle for his HMMV. The Motor Sergeant came back about 2 weeks and told us he could not find one in the inventory. I can't do justice to decrcibing the look on the Mortor Sergeant's face when the LT said "What, you can't find an ash tray?"

when i used to work as a barman (what seems like a long time ago these days) if any of the staff was annoying me I'd send them to the kitchen to ask the cook for a long stand :D

of course he was in on it as well and knew i just wanted them out of my hair so he would leave them waiting while he was busy with something until they had got their long stand ;)

v_Ln

One that i remember from my dark and distant passed is. Go and ask the Sargeant Major if you can have a 252 to charge the batteries with.

A 252 is the sheet you filled out when a soldier was being charged with an offence. Always remeber that one from when i was a nubie young squady.

A few classic one from the Boy Scouts:

First time camping? Don't forget the dehydrated water; just add water.

Need to reach something up high? Ask for the Skyhook.

Never go swimming in the lake: you might get di-hydrogen monoxide in your lungs.

And the best is when you're at summer camp. The noobs almost always complain about the campfire smoke going in their eyes. So, you send them from troop to troop looking for the left-handed smoke-shifter. It's a long standing tradition in the scouts that if someone you don't know asks you for the left-handed smoke-shifter, you send them to the troop on the other side of camp. :p

Left-handed smoke-shifter. I like that one.

In the military we would cut the phone wire between the command center and the forward lookout post right outside of the command tent; then we would send the new Commo private out to trace the line with the Commo Sergeant. Now keep in mind that these telephones are powered by battery, but in order to ring the opposite end you had to turn the crank on the calling phone. The Commo Sergeant would shave both ends of the line and tell the Private to hold one in each hand. The person inside the tent is listening to the conversation, and when the Commo Sergeant said "Got It" and received a response of "Yes" from the Private, the person inside the tent would crank the phone as hard as he could. Learned some new swear words employing this one. btw not enough voltage to do any real harm, but certainly enough to really piss off the newbie.

A good wind up that we used to play on our Nubie Officers.Was our command post's were remoted to the Radio's that would be upto 3 Kilometers away. It would work like this Officer would come into the command post with a message to send over the air, pick up a mic and try to send. The opperator at the Radio would no who was speaking and switch the radio to intercomm. Officer would try a couple of times to transmit and not get anyware. The commandpost radio op would say let me try for you sir. Then send the message opperator at the redio would switch to transmit and all would be ok. Us radio op's used to realy get pissed of at the fact that these Nub Officers would treat the radio net as there own personal communications system. It's amazing how many off them would not catch on to what we were doing.

Sending them after a box of short circuits has always been a favorite of mine...our suppliers would always play along and send them from store to store..