i don't know if it was posted but here goes anyway
http://qdb.us/?top
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i don't know if it was posted but here goes anyway
http://qdb.us/?top
Snicker....snickerQuote:
#29168 (813/1321)
<Arai> I use my right hand for everything except *one* thing.
<Arai> Not wanking.
<Arai> I wipe my ass with my left hand.
<Vhabion> I use toillet paper
I've had to stop reading these, trying very hard not to laugh while I'm still at work...
going to leave the for Friday afternoon me thinks.
Cheers for the link :)
Nuff said......... :DQuote:
<idsif> you're smarter than the average american
<ascian> of course. i'm canadian.
<dios> Well, my best friend eric was dating this girl named shana for quite a long time. like three years. shana wanted to set me up with her childhood best friend. i was told she has a great personality and a pretty face. i was quite suspicious of this description, but i said why not. so they set us up a double date to go out to his lake for a candle lit dinner
<dios> So eric and shana pick me up, and we go to this girls house to pick her up. I am totally unprepared, but out of this house comes a girl in a wheelchair.
<dios> So i am pissed. They failed to mention this important fact.
<dios> We get her into Eric's Expedition and head out to the lake as the sun is setting.
<dios> As we rode there and throughout dinner, we really hit it off. She WAS one of the sweetest girls I have ever met. I thought she was great.
<dios> So eric and shana go off from us and leave us alone. And we keep talking.
<dios> Amanda starts telling me what happened to her about how she slipped and fell on some stairs and how she is paralyzed from the waste down the rest of her life.
<dios> The whole time I heard this story I couldn't stop stairing at her, because she was very attractive in the face.
<dios> I was thinking she could be a face model
<dios> (sorry, im typing quickly)
<dios> So, anyhow, she begins to tell me how self-conscious she is and this sad story about she doesn't think she will ever find a guy who is interested in her and would want to have sex with her.
<dios> Me, being the nice guy that I am, begin to feel sympathy with her.
<dios> We talk a little more and have some more wine. And eventually I felt the urge to kiss her, so I did.
<dios> We were laying on this blanket, and we start kissing more. I realize that I am really attracted to this girl as we lay down. The paralysis thing isn't obvious.
<dios> But as we get hot and heavy, she asks me to stop for minute. And asks, "are we going to do this?' i say, sure.
<dios> so she asks me the weirdest question, she wanted to have sex upright.
<dios> i think it is weird, but im into whatever
<dios> standing up
<dios> so i lean her against this tree, but she can't support herself. so i take off my belt and sort of tie her to the tree
<dios> so she is tied to this tree and we do it. and it was great.
<dios> shortly thereafter, eric and shana come back.
<dios> i am in bliss.
<dios> they ask what we are so happy about and everyone laughs
<dios> so we get into the car, and go back to her house to drop her off.
<dios> on the way back, we talk about how we want to meet again.
<dios> when we get to her house, i took her out and put her into her wheelchair and role her up to the door.
<dios> erm, roll her.
<dios> i gave her a kiss at the door and her dad comes out.
<dios> he looked all pissed like i was some biker dude ruining his daughter
<dios> you know, overly protective and all.
<dios> so she goes inside and her dad asked to have a word with me.
<dios> so im thinking im going to get the whole "dont ever see my daughter again speech."
<dios> so she goes and we close the door. and her dad stares me in a face and gives me a $20 bill. so i say, "i dont need that, it was my pleasure. i enjoyed taking her out. you dont need to give me money."
<dios> he says no, keep it. and i ask him what for?
<dios> he says, " the last guy left her tied to the tree."
That is the funniest ****, I have ever read on bash.
I was laughing so hard wy wife came in the office to see what was so funny. She started reading, rolled her eyes and walked away - "Geek humor".
I thought these were good for a chuckle.
Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances : D\-<
* nmp3bot dances : D|-<
* nmp3bot dances : D/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet
<Hiroe> he was dressed as a big *****in devil
<Hiroe> like, HUGE costume
<Hiroe> 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
<Hiroe> at some anime con in california
<Hiroe> they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
<Hiroe> he's riding the elevator down to the con space
<Hiroe> doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
<Hiroe> he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice
Miraculous> does anyone know anything about routers?
Rukus+> the most important advice i can give you
Rukus+> do NOT rip it out of the wall when drunk and say you have defeated the matrix
* ion has joined #sp
<ion> today's my birthday
<deMoN> yo happy bday man ;)
<ion> thanks, my dad brought me a new case home from his work today
<ion> ok, it's not a new case, it's my old one...i didnt like the gray metal frame so i wanted to change the color
<plague> What color?
<ion> gold. i was going to spray paint it, but it would have ended up melting. so my dad said he'd take it to work
<ion> he works at this metal coating place
<ion> just brought it home today. looks awesome
<plague> So you have a gold plated tower?
<ion> no it's not gold...something else...let me go ask
<ion> copper. it's copper
<plague> Copper plated?? Is it running right now?
<ion> no dude...on my other pc..i just finished hooking up the mobo and stuff, i'm about to start it
<ion> stand back
<plague> Before you turn it on...I think you should know something...
* ion has quit IRC (No Route to Host)
<plague> Copper is a conductor of electricity.
<deMoN> think we should have told him?
<zeff> nah, it's funnier this way.
<plague> of course...<>
Comment: the fuse box in his house was fried. knocked the power out.
I must say...if that really did happen...thats pure genius...pure genius :)
this qdb thing looks like a cheap knockoff of http://bash.org (the origional qdb ;))
LOL
"I was gonna call 911.....but I was downloading a file"
LOL, this is excellent stuff. Also the originals at bash.org rock.
Spreadursunshine: wow you werent online all yesterday
EinhanderMKII: Yeah I was out doing things PRODUCTIVE
Spreadursunshine: omg! its a breakthrough
Spreadursunshine: like what?
EinhanderMKII: fixing my internet
<neo_alex> stop arguing you ****s
<enz0> Maybe it's YOUR mum
<spandrick_doll> **** you
<spandrick_doll> you just cant haxk it
<spandrick_doll> *hack
<neo_alex> that does it, im creating characters of you in The Sims and im gonna make you have a gay marriage
lol, and the best one is:
<Big_Fat_Duck> wait its stuck at updating
<Big_Fat_Duck> 1 second left
<Big_Fat_Duck> read to play in approx. 1 second
<Diazo> it's a microsoft second
I forgot all about these... this time its all bookmarked.
Cheers for the laughs everyone :)
<Garf> Did you know, Alt+Z makes your text go backwards in most IRC clients?
<Garf> .ereh ti did I ?eeS
* Parts: Bamral ([email protected])
* Parts: Benjamin_L ([email protected])
* Parts: menno ([email protected])
* Parts: TheLink ([email protected])
lmao
ac
<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...
<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "
<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang
<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.