Two burgers walk into a bar.
The barman turns around and says sorry we dont serve food. :D
I know this one is pityfull........
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Two burgers walk into a bar.
The barman turns around and says sorry we dont serve food. :D
I know this one is pityfull........
A horse walked into a bar
Barman says: Why the long face?
Baywatch star David Hasselhoff wanders into a Glasgow pub and the barman says: "What can I get you, Mr. Hasselhoff?"
"A cold beer would be great," he replies, "but please, just call me Hoff."
"Okay Hoff," says the barman, "nae Hassel."
why is it the lame one's are always the funniest ones.?
f2b
You want bad... These were some of the first jokes my father ever told me... Yes, I was young... and yes, it was a _long_ time ago... I laughed at them back then too...
What's black and comes out of a hole at 100mph?
A mole on a motorbike.
What's black and comes out of a hole shouting "knickers, knickers, knickers"?
Crude oil.
Didn't mean to do this to you guys but as seen as it is started :
what do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.
What do you get if you mix a cow and a duck?
Cream quackers.
:D
Ah dear, the lame jokes,
how bout this one then,
Whats brown and sticky.....A stick :D
I used to love that as a kid
The Koala and the Little Lizard
A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past
and looks up and says "HeyKoala ! what are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says:
"Faaaaarrrrk dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"
How do you confuse an idiot?
Purple
How do you confuse an Irishman (other cultures are available for ridicule)
Put him in a round room and tell him to stand in the corner
What's yellow and dangerous?
Shark infested custard.
Why did the punk cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off
What goes plop, plop fizz?
Two babies dropping a in vat of acid
what goes ha ha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
A man walked into a Bar
OUCH !!!
it was an iron bar :D
What do you call a wich living in a desert...
... sandwich
THE MADDNESS GOTS TO STOP :)
How long is a Chinaman
Just made this up:
How do you confuse someone from Texas? Vote for them and then tell him there is a national crises.
How do you confuse someone in Florida?
Tell them your wife wasn't related to you before the Marriage.
I just made both of those up so they may be stupid but what joke in this thread wasn't?
A local grower named Steve Getajob has developed a new Superpotent strain of Marijuana.A bud the size of your palm is equivalent to 10,000 joints.The name of this new weed,"ipot".
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A Three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom", he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.
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What do sperm and lawyers have in common?
They both have a one in a 1,000,000,000,000 chance of becoming a human being.
.. and then they pop Viagra so they can grow taller! :D
Didn't want to start a new thread for these........
What is black and white and red all over?
A newspaper.
What is the black squishy stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
What is the hardest part of vegatable soup to eat?
The wheelchair.
What do you call a nuron in a blonds head?
A space invader.
what is green but goes red at the touch of a button?
Kermit in a liquidiser.
What in a fridge is yellow and dangerous?
Shark infested custard.
how can you tell if there is an elephant in your fridge?
You see the bike parked outside.
How can you tell if there are two elephants in your fridge?
The cross bar is bent on the bicycle.
what is the fastest sport in the world?
Pass the parcel in a belfast pub.
I promise I'll stop there.
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.
Newfie on his way to Toronto
saw a sign up ahead "Toronto Left"
turned around and went back home.
There was an old man from crocket
who took a ride in a rocket
the rocket went bang
his b*lls went twang
and he found his c*ck in his pocket.
Why were little strawberies in trouble?
'cause there parents were in a JAM.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk!