For those of you who know engineers, are engineers, or ought to be For those of you who know engineers, are engineers, or ought to be
engineers.
Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.
Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file, and that's what they did last year.
Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map
the wrong way.
You might be an engineer if:
You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.
In university, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
The salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your
questions.
At an air show, you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
You can type 70 words per minute but you can't read your own
handwriting.
You sit backwards on Disney rides so you can see how they do the special
effects.
You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
You know what <<<< < <
http://>
http:// < <
http://>
http://> >
<
http://>
http:// < <
http://>
http://> >>>>stands for.
You look forward to Christmas so you can put together the kids toys.
You see a good design, and have to change it.
You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
You think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
You window shop at Radio Shack.
Your laptop computer cost more than your car.
You've already calculated how much you make per second.
You've tried to repair a $5 radio.
Why engineers do not write recipe books...
Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an
overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add
ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation.
In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller
operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until
the mixture is homogeneous.
To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal
volumes of the homogeneous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add
ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be
taken at this point in the
reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result
of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the
mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven
for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank &Johnston's first
order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown.
Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C
heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
