What’s the difference between an American tourist and a hippopotamus? 10 kg.
Printable View
What’s the difference between an American tourist and a hippopotamus? 10 kg.
I think Hippos are much more than 10kg lighter than American Tourists... :D
I have to admit, the absolute worst place in the world to be for the "observation" of overly large people who are inappropriately dressed, (read spandex, shorts, skimpy tops), is Disneyworld on a hot summers day... all that dangling flab and no place to hide... It's enough to make a man poke out his eyes... :eek:
Another one liner I just made up:
What does a Frenchman do better than anyone else? Say I surrender in over 30 languages. (Mexico would like that joke, even they kicked France's ass, bet you guys love Cinco De Mayo).
Right on Gore!!
Raise your right hand if you like the French.... Raise both hands if you are French.
-Deeboe
I've always liked this variation of an old joke:
"A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm.
The bartender says "HEY! You can't bring that pig in here."
The Frenchwoman says "Excuse me...but that's a duck."
The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck."
Or:
What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other?
A bisexual.
After spending almost every summer of my life in Florida, and the last 10 years here year-round, I can assure you it's not just Disneyworld.Quote:
Originally posted here by Tiger Shark
I think Hippos are much more than 10kg lighter than American Tourists... :D
I have to admit, the absolute worst place in the world to be for the "observation" of overly large people who are inappropriately dressed, (read spandex, shorts, skimpy tops), is Disneyworld on a hot summers day... all that dangling flab and no place to hide... It's enough to make a man poke out his eyes... :eek:
The really great thing is that most of the time, the spandex, shorts and skimpy tops are in eye-shattering shades of lime green, neon yellow, and hot pink. With large flowers.
The hippo has a better chance of knowing how much 10kg is as well.
Historicaly, the R on renault gear boxes was for 'reculer' (Retreat).
Noia, not sure how that's funny, since "reculer" is exactly as valid as "reverse" is.
Unless the joke is in your poor translation attempt?
oh yeah, well just dont forget about the french invaision of ... ummmmm... hmmmm.. ... ... ... nm
It's so easy to call someone a coward ... I think making fun of people that had to live through WWII or any war for that matter is an act of cowardice in itself ...
So if I was gonna make a joke about all the "american" deserters during WW2, Vietnam War and more recently Iraq that would be found funny right :rolleyes:
So all the sacrifices made by the french people in the resistance was nothing compared to the surrender of France, a decision made by the leaders of a country ... not the population ...
During WW II, in the European Theater alone, over 20,000 US Military men were convicted of desertion.
I'm not defending the French or any nationality in any way, I couldn't care less about the French or someone making jokes about them ... But I think it's bad taste to make jokes about cowardism or other things that happened during any war ... It just shows a lack of respect ...
.C.
Cemetric,
don't forget you are dealing with americans who in most cases have swallow the bush administrations propaganda about france since it refused to follow them to iraq. Most people forget that the British expeditionary force was retreating just as fast as the french army at the time. Also if the normandy landings succeded it was in large part thanks to the french resistance who blocked german panzer divisions from reaching normandy with little more than small arms and land slides. In any case this is the humor section and not really the place for a discusson like this.
cheers
muracu
Cemetric,
don't forget you are dealing with americans who in most cases have swallow the bush administrations propaganda about france since it refused to follow them to iraq. Most people forget that the British expeditionary force was retreating just as fast as the french army at the time. Also if the normandy landings succeded it was in large part thanks to the french resistance who blocked german panzer divisions from reaching normandy with little more than small arms and land slides. In any case this is the humor section and not really the place for a discusson like this.
cheers
muracu
Offcourse you're right ... And I don't want to continue this conversation here anyway ... Just could'nt keep from replying ...Quote:
In any case this is the humor section and not really the place for a discusson like this
.C.
That, of course, has _nothing_ to do with the fact that the French can't even do a proper job of creating a defensive line now does it???? (Maginot)Quote:
Most people forget that the British expeditionary force was retreating just as fast as the french army at the time.
The French have always been next to worthless in conflict. Unfortunately, as time goes on, they seem to get more self serving and less able/interested in doing the right thing...
Funny really... France's most elite unit is the Foreign Legion, (I have several friends who served there)... The fighting men are "imported"... They were even quite happy to take ex-SS, nazis etc. after WWII... They still take anyone who can fight better than a Frenchman... and they are the only decent soldiers the French have.
Me, anti_French?.... You're damn right I am... Their history, their arrogance coupled with their backstabbing, devious, self serving nature has proven time and time again that they are the most worthless nation on earth... At least the others have a form of honor, the French have none...
Let's take it to Cosmos if you'd like... PM me the link... :D
strangely enough the 'resistance' didn't really exist until late 1943
the communist resistance were merely stockpiling the weapon drops from the UK
other groups were ex pat brit / french dropped back into the country to create havoc
and every other bugger was learning the Horst Wessel
as for the Foreign Legion, I belive all their orders are in German :eek:
and they were the ONLY french force to make headway in Gulf War I
as for importing anyone who can fight better than a frenchman !!!!!
it does leave em quite a choice :p
The French love to talk about Americans, yet WE are the bad guys if we say France didn't help us?....
I live in America, I was born here. My heritage is German. Either way my people have PWNED yours. And either way your people have never liked us.
French hate Americans regaurdless of if Americans hate the French or not. All Americans are fat.... Well then how come you can't beat us ay anything ? Surely you'd have the advantage? If we are all fat stupid red necks like France seems to think.
If is wasn't for America, France would right now be known as "Klein Deutschland".
I honestly dont have anything worthwhile to add to this debate, but i just wanted to make a post as i found the orginal joke amusing at the least.
I don't know why the joke was kind of lame, but sometimes it's the lame jokes that make a person laugh the most. :)
f2B
That's true.I made my cousin piss himself laughing by saying "the"...
Well...being of french Canadian ...I am taking all this french bashing personally.....
And I guess because we Canadians didnt follow the states into this invasion of Iraq...this false war...based on lies ........I am double the coward....
I thought the original joke was funny
I didnt realize we had so many narrow minded bigots here at AO
pfft........it disgusting that people so intelligent normally...can be reduced to this
MLF
Gore started it.... <LOL>
Hey, Morgana~
So why have you twice used "french" when it should be "French"..................you didn't have a problem with "Canadian"? :p :DQuote:
Well...being of french Canadian ...I am taking all this french bashing personally.....
Actually, it must be rather difficult if your government decides to surrender, or go to war for that matter, and you do not agree?
Just a thought.........................
Yea, it was my fault. Me and tiger live in the same area so I rubbed off on him, and then when I made a post making fun of France (To prove a point that Morgan, you yourself said the original joke was funny) showing that in this thread I see it's OK to make fun of Americans with the stereotype that we are all over weight red necks, but it's not OK to make fun of France.
Seems to me I've proved my point. And Morgan, lol, how many times have you alone told me not to take something peronally? Guess I got you good huh?
Remember kids, on AO it's OK to call all Americans fat in a Joke, but if you do the same to the French that's not OK. you have to be kidding me.
Double Standards are funny.
"Americans are fat"
"Hahahahaha"
"The french suck at everything and run like hell in battle"
"THAT ISN'T FUNNY AND I USED TO THINK YOU WERE INTELLIGENT BUT NOW I SEE YOU ARE PREJUDICE"...
Canadiens go to war. We call it "Hockey".Quote:
Originally posted here by nihil
Hey, Morgana~
So why have you twice used "french" when it should be "French"..................you didn't have a problem with "Canadian"? :p :D
Actually, it must be rather difficult if your government decides to surrender, or go to war for that matter, and you do not agree?
Just a thought.........................
And I personally DO have a right to say that. I live in SouthEast Michigan near the border to Canada, and whoooooo.... I've earned it. I've managed not to kill them when they come over here and raid Wal-Mart and not know how to drive, and I even didn't run one over when they Park in all the Handicap spots in the parking lots. (I'm serious, they do).
IM everso HO
You brits and americans are bullies....brits being the worst...americans are picking up right where the brits left off. (thats the Irish in me.... :mad: )
Its" lets save those heathens....they should believe what we believe.....we will show them the PROPER way to live and what is right to believe in..."
Well...it takes alot of courage to stand up to bullies and not blindly follow them like sheep into a false war..
I refuse to believe the propaganda and bullsh1t being spewed by the bullies and media...I see through it for what it truly is
MLF
I just made up a new French joke:
Why do French Men love Wolfenstein 3D?
Gives them a chance to matter in WW2.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
Isn't it awful what a Sheraz hangover can do to a normally sane and carefree lady...
*snikker*
Damn you, laugh at my joke!
And what is this about the French standing up to bullies???? Lol.
Morgan:
Bück dich befehl ich dir
If it wasn't for the USA Bullies, all the French would understand and obey that.
Whats the diffrence between a pig and a French man. About 10kg and the pig will put up a hellova fight.
(touche)
had to add answer #2:
if you call a pig french it will beat you down.
And this goes a bit far but still...
=====================
Clasified ad:
=====================
French Rifle for sale...
Never fired, only droped once.
Gore it means Bend over I command you :) and I find the french jokes funny.... Its just a bit of fun no one is super serious about all this... everyone needs to chill Morgana included :) People make jokes about Texans all the time and I can take it just as well as any.
Actually after / during my reply I was thinking I smelled bait, but I just can't help myself sometimes. So I went with it.
Ok....I am laughing Gore....and you are right.....it is kind of a double standardQuote:
Damn you, laugh at my joke!
And as Mr Shark stated....yes I was very grumpy...and a little...very hungover this morning.....pure Shiraz does that to me....I prefer it blended with a cabernet sauvignon...so it doesnt hurt my head so much the next day....
I just find it unfair to judge people by thier nationality, race, religion etc.....
I was just painting with the same brush already being used....
MLF
The "Paint brush" was a stereo type on Americans, I used that brush with a different color, no one had at the time said it was wrong other than my pointing out that people think nothing of doing it to Americans but people bitch and whine when you do it about the French.
And if you find it unfair to Judge people by those things, how was it you laughed at the joke?
maybe should have posted the one liner in cosmos :D. In anycase americans are bigoted since bush told them to be. There wasn't that many French jokes floating around the states till France refused to follow the US to Iraq and stopped the US bullying the UN into an unjustified war and when you hear them about 40 times on the same site they get boring. You could at least try to get some new ones. It is normal that all the european members piss take about the French we have being doing that to each other for the last 700 years. anyway to get this back more or less on track :
Warning some of these may be offensive :
what is the only time an english girl doesn't mind being sick?
When she has a frog in the throat.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH:
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah
2. Warm beer
3. You get to confuse Yanks with the rules of cricket
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5. Union Jack underpants
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7. Puts you in with a chance of bedding Joan Collins
8. Bathing once a week - whether you need to or not
9. Ditto changing underwear
10. Beats being Welsh,
11. Or Scottish
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH:
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound like a homo
2. It's easy being a soap dodger
3. You get to eat shitty little things like snails and frog's legs
4. You know what you are ordering in expensive restaurants
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons far away from your own doorstep
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star
8. If there's a war you can surrender really early
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just **** in a hole
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're crap
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH:
1. You can be mistaken for a Mexican all over North America
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing
6. Hard to get the women into bed without marrying them ...
7. ... and twice as hard still if you're not a Catholic
8. In fact, the only sure way is to dress up in silly too-tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls
9. You get to eat bulls' testicles
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN:
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
2. Not embarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns
4. Glorious military history... well, till about 400 a.d.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside
6. Political stability
7. Flexible working hours
8. Live near the Pope
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair
10. Sweating tenors
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN:
1. You can speak three languages in one sentence without realizing it
2. You get to own a dog that's smaller than your cat
3. You can go out for a beer at 3am, and the bar is just starting to liven up
4. You can speak French as your native language without actually being French
5. When driving you can try to kill every pedestrian that dares to step on a zebra crossing
6. You never have to tip in restaurants or cabs
7. No-one knows where your country is
8. You can step in a dozen different varieties of dogshit between your front door and your car
9. You have a royal family that no-one's ever heard of
10. You can queue for an hour in the post office to buy a stamp and think it was good service
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies when abroad.
Canadians: Are indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe you should look out for those who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe people should look out for themselves.
Canadians: Believe that's the government's job.
Americans: Flag-waving, anthem-singing and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to the anthem, when they can be bothered to sing it.
Aussies: Extremely patriotic to their beer, would sing the anthem if they knew the words.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a brass band to perform the anthem.
Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because the government won't let them have more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax to watch four lousy channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody
loves them. (Hehehe -- BB, who hates "Neighbours")
there we go think that should cover everyone. Think i better duck :D :shootem:
here is the original site source
So guys stop taking things so seriously or we will stop exporting guinness.
Mistress Morgana~ I really must deal with you first:
Firstly, you attempt to fabricate the forensic evidence; then you seek to beat a confession out of them; then you resort to those time honoured methods you mention above :DQuote:
I just find it unfair to judge people by thier nationality, race, religion etc.....
MURACU you have two fundamental errors in your post. You DO NOT change your underwear every week..............you throw your underpants at the wall, if they stick, you change them (socks are easy, you wear the first pair you can catch in the morning) ;)
We now have 5 lousy channels, but if I use the upstairs TV during the right weather conditions I get Dutch pr0n channels with British children's program soundtracks............................
:p
MURACU...I am deeply and mortally wounded by your callous and irreverant list that mentions Canadians but not once the sport of Hockey...please, in the future, do not mention one without the other...it's the law...and we'll send our best submarine after you...errrrrrrrrrr...as soon as we can figure how to get it out of the Edmonton Mall :D
Eg ;)
Nihil old chap hate to correct you but now that Ireland is the biggest high tech economy in europe we no longer throw our underware at the wall we throw our boxers at the flat screen. If they rebound ok if they knock the screen over we change :)
Eg :Canada hockey. your right that about says it all about canada :D now keep your bleeding sub away for our guinness ships.
All true ... Except for number 8 ... Due to the extensive search and destroy missions of the "do you have a doggy pooh baggy miss/sir"-squad it's now down to about 2 varieties of dogshit :DQuote:
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN:
1. You can speak three languages in one sentence without realizing it
2. You get to own a dog that's smaller than your cat
3. You can go out for a beer at 3am, and the bar is just starting to liven up
4. You can speak French as your native language without actually being French
5. When driving you can try to kill every pedestrian that dares to step on a zebra crossing
6. You never have to tip in restaurants or cabs
7. No-one knows where your country is
8. You can step in a dozen different varieties of dogshit between your front door and your car
9. You have a royal family that no-one's ever heard of
10. You can queue for an hour in the post office to buy a stamp and think it was good service
number 9 ... Do we have a royal family :eek:
number 3 ... And you KNOW you are SO jealous about it ;)
number 10 .... Maaan do I hate the post office !!
.C.
Hey Cemetric I just cannot resist bringing a security angle into this thread:
http://www.wilderssecurity.com/archi...p/t-89527.html
Regarding item #2
:cool: :pQuote:
ErikAlbert
July 22nd, 2005, 01:41 PM
In Belgium we say "e-wie-do".
FYI. American cats say "mew" or "miaow", while Belgian cats say "miauw", which proves that cats also speak different languages.
I hope this helps. :)
Hehehehe ...
Same goes for dogs in Belgium ... they say "Woef, woef" in Flemish ... and I think it's "Woof, woof" in English ...sooo :o
:rolleyes: :D
.C.