sad truths

[chemical]

1. I have never been kissed
2. I have never kissed
3. I cannot talk over the phone without hyperventilating
4. I am engaged in a struggle to lose weight
5. I shaved my head to stop worrying about my thinning hair
6. I am a hermit and only halfway enjoy it
7. I have 5 real friends
8. I have 20 irc friends who I usually hate
9. I now bathe once every 2 weeks
10. I take acne pills and use cream on a daily basis
11. I find college absolutely stifling most of the time
12. I am the most absurdly spontaneous and crazy person you're ever likely to meet---------------------------but only 2 people know this
13. I was heavily depressed for over a year, plagued by suicidal thoughts
14. I read alt.suicide.holiday at least once a week, just to remind myself how lucky I am to be here
15. I never went to my highschool prom
16. I ignored my highschool graduation party
17. I entered highschool with 10 buddies, left with 1
18. I no longer speak to any highschool -friends- (I am 20)
19. I used to be an idealist
20. I'm flirting with hedonism now
21. I agree with most of Ayn Rand's view on self-interest (though I'm not an objectivist)
22. The only person that truly knows me is my sister
23. I have seriously considered becoming some sorts of woodsman
24. I have sometimes been a total ass to debris in the past, for no real reasons of his own
25. I am subsconsciously jealous of people who are in happy relationships
26. I am subconsciously jealous of people who are in terrible relationships
27. I am an intense romantic sappy sucker dude
28. I once tried to throw up a meal so as to lose weight, and ended up only vomitting half way up my NECK TUBE, not throwing up the meal and yet making myself sick for the remainder of the afternoon, missing school
29. I once missed 2 weeks of highschool for no tangible reason
30. I am a recovering IRC addict
31. I have had cybersex twice
32. One of my greatest fears is dying without the one woman having gently touched my neck and professed her eternal love
33. I say I don't care about money, and I don't, but I am very careful about spending the money I have saved up in the bank, because I want it to last as long as possible
34. I was sexually abused by my older cousin as a young boy
35. I think this has broken me, psychologically
36. My parents divorced at a young age and I have not seen my father in 4 years and not spoken to him in 2
37. I think this has broken me, psychologically
38. I say and act as though I hate myself and have low self esteem, and I do, but I often think I'm better than a lot of people
39. The lighting often flutters or simply blanks out, and I am the only person who ever sees it. Everytime this happens, I think I may have some sort of vision problem, or am some sort of psychotic retard in training
40. The lights will not stop fluttering now


41. My eyes fill themselves with tears, but know not how to release them
42. The lights seem to be telepathically linked with my emotions, as they will not stop flashing as I write this---------------- i think i'm crazy
43. Part of me hates you all
44. Part of me loves you all
45. Today I love you

[delstar]

umm...yes...sad....

[oblio]

I blame the micro waves.

[Oso]

mmmmmm

no comments...

(is this a security thread?)

[delstar]

i'm just wondering what this has to do with macs or security...