I am.. (light humour)

[jcdux]

I got this via email so can't credit anyone for it, it's not intended to cause any offense to anyone so please accept my appologies if you are offended.

J.

______________________________________________

I AM CANADIAN
(clears Throat)
(the canadian one is actually a commercial and is all true!)

Hey...
I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader...
and I don't live in an igloo, or eat blubber, or own a dogsled...
and I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada,
although I'm certain they're really, really nice.

I have a Prime Minister, not a President.
I speak English & French, NOT American.
and I pronounce it 'ABOUT', NOT 'A BOOT'.

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, NOT policing.
DIVERSITY, NOT assimilation,
AND THAT THE BEAVER IS A TRULY PROUD AND NOBLE ANIMAL.

A TOQUE IS A HAT, A CHESTERFIELD IS A COUCH,
AND IT IS PRONOUNCED 'ZED' NOT 'ZEE', 'ZED'!!!
CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LANDMASS!
THE FIRST NATION OF HOCKEY! AND THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!
MY NAME IS JOE!! AND I AM CANADIAN!!!!!!!!


I AM ITALIAN
Ciao...
I'm not a construction worker, a brick layer or a school janitor.
I don't live in a basement, or eat pasta every night.
And I don't drive a Camaro.
And I don't know Tony, Rocco or Gino from Woodbridge,
Although I'm certain they're very, very hairy people.

I drink wine...not beer. I don't use utensils for pizza.
I believe in open bars at weddings, not cash.
And its pronounced ESPRESSO, not EX-PRESSO.

I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during the worldcup.
Gelato IS ice cream, Biscotti ARE cookies,
Antonio Columbro IS the best of the tenors,
And it's Broo-SKetta, not Broo-SHetta!!
Italy is the ONLY country shaped like footwear,
The FIRST nation of soccer, And the BEST part of Europe!!
My name is Guiseppe !!!
AND I AM ITALIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I AM PAKISTANI
Allo,
I'm not a cab driver, a 7-11 clerk or a gas attendant.
I don't go to fleamarkets, or worshipelephants, or eat with my hands.
And I don't know Akbar, Rampreet or Mohammed from Rundle,
Although I'm certain they're very smelly people.

I eat roti....not pita. I don't only shower once a week,
I believe in discounts, not full price.
And I pronounce it WHAT, not VHAT.
I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during a terrorist siege.

A turban IS an article of clothing.
Spicy foods ARE better than mild foods
Curry is a VERY tasty dish,
and it IS pronounced Gaun-dee,not Gun-dee ,GAUN-dee!!

Pakistan IS a third world country,
The first nation of Cricket
And the BEST part of the middle east!!
My name is Raheem!
AND I AM PAKISTANI!!!!



I AM CHINESE!
Wai...
I'm not a cook, or a computer tech, or the owner of a laundromat.
I don't live with my parents, I don't eat dog. I don't drive a souped-up Civic.
And I don't know Ping, Ching or Wing from Beddingt Heights
Although I'm certain they're very rice... I mean nice people.

I use chopsticks, not a fork. I rarely drive on the sidewalk.
I believe in giving cash, not gifts
And I pronounce it HELLO, not HARRO.
I can proudly wave my country's flag at a tank during a massacre,

Dim sum IS brunch, Gwai-Los ARE white folk
Jet Li can kick Van Damme's ass anyday.
And it IS pronounced Gon Hay Fa Choi, not Gon HEE Fa

China is the LARGEST country in Asia
The FIRST nation of PING-PONG,
And the BEST remaining COMMUNIST COUNTRY!!
My name is FUNG!!!
AND I AM CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




and finally........




I AM AMERICAN
Wassup...
I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or well-liked.
And I don't live in a safe place, eat a balanced diet, or drive very well.
I don't know Shakespeare, Da Vinci or Gutenberg,
although I'm pretty sure they were American.

I drink beer, not water, I am outspoken, not opinionated,
Guns settle disputes, not discussions.
Winning isn't everything, it's the ONLY thing,
And it's pronounced RUFF, not ROOF.

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack, unless I go somewhere.
Burger King IS fine dining. Washing after peeing is for LOSERS,
Twinkies and Moon Pies ARE GOOD for breakfast,
I have a SHED, NOT a GARAGE, and WWF ACTION IS REAL!

The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is the ONLY country in the world,
The FIRST nation of IGNORANCE,
And the BEST part of SOUTH AMERICA!!
MY NAME IS JIM-BOB, I am married to my sister,
AND I AM AMERICAN!!!!!!!

[KorpDeath]

Very light on the humour.

In fact I can't see it from here. But I'm sure it exists.

[SarinMage]

i dont like that on...neg pts for that, sorry

[Negative]

This is not intended to cause any offense to myself so please accept my appologies if I am offended.

Hallo,

I don't work for an American, French, or German company.
I don't eat French Fries every day, nor Belgian waffles.
I don't know The Smurfs, Lucky Luke, or Asterix,
Although I'm pretty sure they do really exist.

I drink beer, not wine. And I don't like mussels with my beer.
And I do believe participating is more important than winning.
And I'm not shy , just modest.
And it's BELGIAN fries, not FRENCH.

I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car because no-one knows where the hell Belgium is.
The Muscles from Brussels can kick Jet Li's ass anyday.
And it's BELGIAN fries, not FRENCH.
Belgium is the smallest country in Europe
and the only one that any other country can win from.
Even steal our fries...

My name is Negative! AND I AM BELGIAN!!!

[l3aDmOnKeY]

it was an OK post i found no humor in it though

but SarinMange that is no reason for giving "NEG" points at least not in my eyes.

[gold eagle]

umm Negative aren't Lichtenstein, Monaco, Vatican city all countries in Europe and smaller than Belgium?

jcdux - an ok post , maybe not deserving negative points....

[intruder]

hey it was an ok post...but then i am wondering ...if pakistan is there then why not india...hihihi

[lostit44]

Why negitive points at all their just some jokes. If you cann`t laugh at yourselves then your taking life to serious.Theres enough bs outthere don`t let a little humor bog you down. I think they were funny because I can see humor in lifes little jokes.

[the_g_nee]

I liked the post, poke fun at one and poke fun at all is my moto.

[BrainStop]

Actually, the origin of the part about Canadians is very commercial ... it's from a Molson Canadian ad. You can still find it on adcritic.com ... oops, you can't anymore. I just found out that AdCritic has kicked the bucket. Darn!

Anyway, the ad was all about a Canadian guy getting up on a stage and proudly speaking of his country. It ends with a shot of a nice, cold glass of Molson Canadian being poured.

A radiostation made a good rip-off on it about being Quebecois ... and how it's ok to celebrate your wedding anniversary in a strip-joint, since your wife goes on at 10 pm anyway.

It's a shame Adcritic isn't there anymore, it was fun to see some of those commercials.

Cheers,

BrainStop

PS = I agree that neg. points aren't worth it for humour postings ... we don't all have the same sense of humour and we should allow that diversity. But feel free to ignore my 2 cents.