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Thread: OS beer

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2002

    Talking OS beer

    Slightly out of date, but still very funny!

    DOS Beer:

    Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
    directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an
    8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided
    into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately.
    Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep
    drinking it after it's no longer available.

    Mac Beer:

    At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
    Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical.
    When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients
    list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are
    told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to
    drag your empties to the trashcan.

    Windows 3.1 Beer:

    The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like
    Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it
    allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you
    can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are
    drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently
    no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

    OS/2 Beer:

    Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
    simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously
    too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode
    when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see
    anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer
    Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.

    Windows 95 Beer:

    The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1
    Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only
    have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking
    Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like
    it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of
    the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer
    claims that this is an entirely new brew.

    Windows NT Beer:

    Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This
    causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators.
    The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to
    change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows95
    beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and
    suggested only for use in bars.

    Unix Beer:

    Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz.
    Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they
    claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes
    the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have
    your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either
    need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking
    Unix Beer for several years.

    AmigaDOS Beer:

    The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked
    up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import.
    This beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer
    didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an
    extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz can but
    now comes in 32-oz cans too. When this can was originally introduced,
    it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much
    over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim
    that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.

    OpenWindows Beer:

    Tastes a lot like Unix Beer, but comes in a flashier can. This beer pours
    very easily, but then suddenly becomes the consistency of molasses for
    a few seconds, and then returns to its normal consistency. The manufacturer
    keeps trying to discontinue this brew, but so far hasn't succeeded.

    VMS beer:

    32-ounce, well balanced ale, not self-opening can but always drunk from
    a single hole on the top; proprietary recipe was not shared among other
    brewers so style fell into disuse; can never explodes; beer only becomes
    skunky with third-party chasers.

    Next beer:

    32 or 64 ounce lager using single-cell yeast; extremely smooth and stable;
    sophisticated taste unappreciated by most inexperienced drinkers and
    greedy, short-sighted executives; often used by contract brewers;
    prototype of beers to come

  2. #2
    I am a cracker
    I never heard of that before. But when I am on the Internet I like to drink "HIGHAGAIN" or heinken get a strong heavy buzz and chill!

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    That's a classic man, I remember it from a couple of years ago. Thanks for reminding, hehe.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Yea I read that same thing about 5 months ago... Still funny as hell

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Not seen that one before

    I am just looking forward to the 64 ounce lager, now thats gonna be something.


  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2002

    Talking Another one for you

    Funny post. I'll add it to my collection. Here is one for the gang. Micrsoft Windows definitions.

    "Windows: A 32 bit extension and graphical shell, for a 16 bit
    patch to an 8 bit operating system, originally coded for a 4 bit
    microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand
    1 bit of competition but: "RULES THE WORLD in Software."

    See why MS sucks. LOL
    The COOKIE TUX lives!!!!
    Windows NT crashed,I am the Blue Screen of Death.
    No one hears your screams.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Micro$oft Beer: 32 oz beer that needs a different can opener to open it.... A different hand to hold it... And a new house to drink it in... Looks and acts like Mac Beer but lags like Windows NT Beer

  8. #8
    Antionline Herpetologist
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    This one's there in the Linux fortune command. But it's still funny as hell .

  9. #9
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2001


    Because rebooting is for adding new hardware

    Windows 2000:
    From the people who brought you EDLIN

    Transforms your microcomputer into a workstation
    Transforms your workstation into a minicomputer

    You mouse has moved. Windows NT must now reboot for the change to take effect
    Im not crazy...yet

  10. #10
    Priapistic Monk KorpDeath's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    I'm glad i changed my avatar.
    Mankind have a great aversion to intellectual labor; but even supposing knowledge to be easily attainable, more people would be content to be ignorant than would take even a little trouble to acquire it.
    - Samuel Johnson

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