Blond Jokes

[System_Overload]

I hope you enjoy...

Why do Blondes wear Pony-Tails?
To hide the Air Valve!

How do you know when a blonde has been at the computer?
There's white out all over the screen.

Why did the blond have a sore belly button?
Her boyfriend was also blonde.

What's the difference between a blond and a brick?
When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around.

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking.

How do you confuse a blond?
Put her in a curricular room and tell her to pee in the corner.

How does a blonde confuse you?
Tells you she did it.

What does a blonde an a computer have in common?
You never appreciate either one until they go down on you.

How do you change a blondes mind?
Blow in her ear

What do you call a blond with a dollar on her head?
All you can eat under a buck.

What is the similarity between a smart blond, Santa and the tooth fairy?
They are all make believe.

Why did the blond climb on the roof?
She heard that drinks were on the house.

What does a blonde say when you asked her what the last two words of the national anthem are?
Play ball.


How do you tell when a blonde is having a bad day?
There is a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

What do you call a blond with a half brain?
Gifted.


How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One... blondes will screw anything.

What is the difference between blondes and government bonds?
Bonds mature, blondes don't.

How do you tell if a blonde is sexually satisfied?
Who cares.

Why do blondes rub their eyes when they wake up?
They don't have balls to scratch.

How are blondes and parking spaces alike?
All the good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.

How is a blonde different than a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747.

How are a blondes like spaghetti?
They squirm when you eat them.


What do you call ten blondes at the bottom of a pool?
An air bubble.


What do you call 10 blondes in a row?
A wind tunnel.


How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.


Why is a blondes brain pea sized in the morning?
It swelled.


What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?
Artificial intelligence.


What do a blonde and a screen door have in common?
The more you bang them the looser they get.


Did you hear about the blonde who broke her arm?
She was raking leaves when she fell out of the tree.


What do turtles and blondes have in common?
Once there on their back they're screwed.


How is a blonde like a doorknob?
Everybody gets a turn.


What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant.


What do blondes do in the morning?
Get up and go home.


What do blondes say in the morning?
Who are you guys anyways.


What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.


What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
An interpreter


Why did the blonde get fired from the m & m factory?
She threw out all the ones with w's.


What can strike a blonde without them even knowing it?
A thought


Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Red means stop.


What is the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
You take your shoe's off before you get on a trampoline.


Why don't blondes like vibrators?
They're hard on their teeth.


A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and Santa Claus jump off of a bridge, who makes the bigger splash?
The dumb blonde because the others don't exist.


What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
One's a busy ditch.


PM me if you want the source....


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[System_Overload]

1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. (In the back seat of a car) And they say romance is dead...
6. Try breathing through your nose.
7. A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10. But whipped cream makes me break out.
11. Person 1: This is your first time..right? Person 2: Yeah.. today.
12. (In the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
13. Can you please pass me the remote control?
14. Do you accept Visa?
15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
17. And to think I was really trying to pick up your friend!
18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19. (Using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
20. Hope you're as good- looking when I'm sober...
21. (Holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
22. Do you get any premium movie channels?
23. Try not to smear my make-up, will you!
24. You look younger than you feel..
25. Got any penicillin?.
27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
29. Iwantababy!
30. So much for the fulfilment of sexual fantasies!
31. (In a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?
32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...
33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
34. I think you have it on backwards.
35. When is this supposed to feel good?
36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
37. You're good enough to do this for a living!
38. Is that blood on the headboard?
39. Did I remember to take my pill?
40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
41. I wish we got the Playboy channel...
42. That leak better be from the waterbed!
43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.
45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
47. No, really... I do this part better myself!
48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
49. This would be more fun with a few more people.
50. You're almost as good as my ex!

PM me for the source....


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[System_Overload]

1. We can get laid anytime we want.


2. We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar.


3. We piss sitting down so it's easier to pass out on the toilet when you're drunk.


4. We get out of speeding tickets by crying.


5. We avoid speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg.


6. We can sleep our way to the top of the class.


7. We get to shop at Victoria's Secret.


8. We can marry rich and then not have to work.


9. We never have to pay when we go out on dates.


10. Men take us on all expense paid trips - all we have to do is sleep with them.


11. Men light our cigarettes for us.


12. Men hold the door open for us.


13. We pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!).


14. We're cuter.


15. We lie better.


16. We're better manipulators.


17. We always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other halves - you guys get the couch.


18. We always have food in the fridge.


19. We don't worry about losing our hair.


20. We always get to choose the movie.


21. We don't have to mow the lawn.


22. We don't have to take out the garbage.


23. We don't have to paint the house or walls.


24. PMS - yet another excuse to bitch at men.


25. Cosmopolitan.

26. We can con our way out of anything - not just dig ourselves deeper into a hole.


27. Men unlock our side of the car first - a real bonus when its cold.


28. PMS is a legal defence for murder.


29. Men are like tiles, lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them forever.


30. We can masturbate more in a day than men can.


31. 2 words - multi orgasmic.


32. We don't have to constantly adjust our genitals.


33. Sweat is sexy on us


34. We never run out of excuses.


35. You guys may get to think about sex 200 times a day, but we could be having it that often.


36. Doggie style - that way we get to watch the game too.


37. We get expensive jewellery as gifts that we NEVER have to give back.


38. We get candy, flowers and jewellery all the time because men **** up so often.


39. We can give "the look" that will make any man want to cower in the corner.


40. Blondes are cleaner.


41.Blondes have more than one erogenous zone (in case you guys didn't know).


42. We're better arguers.


43. We don't always have to think with our genitals.


44. Massage!!!!


45. Blondes know how to fake it..


46. We never have to sit home alone on a weekend night.


47. There's never a shortage of ready, willing and able men.


48. We're flexible.

49. Better Tips

50. There is no penis envy.

PM me for source...


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[System_Overload]

I guess you guys dont care for blond jokes. I will not post any more. I dont really care for them myself...


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[SSJVegeta-Sei]

Erm - just a question - if you don't like them, why did you post so many?

SSJVegeta-Sei

[System_Overload]

Good question... I dont know. I guess I was thinking that maybe you would like them...



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[valhallen]

I didn't know it was possible for man to know so many blond jokes - either that or u recieve ALOT of fwd emails

[drew]

i read da jokes. they alright. some were good, some i've heard before.
got any other jokes (non-blonde)?