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Thread: Women's Demerit System

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2002

    Talking Women's Demerit System

    The only test I scored lower on than this one is an IQ test.

    For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/de-merit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

    Simple Duties
    You make the bed...+1

    You forget to add the decorative pillows...+0

    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...-1

    You leave the toilet seat up...-5

    You replace the toilet paper roll when it's empty...0

    When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to kleenex...-1

    When the kleenex runs out, you slowly shuffle to the next bathroom...-2

    You check out a suspicious noise at night...0

    You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing...0

    You check out a suspicious noise and it's something...+5

    You pummel it with a six iron...+10
    It's her cat...-40

    Social Engagements
    You stay by her side at a party the entire time...0

    You stay by her side at a party for a few minutes

    and then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy...-2

    Named Tiffany...-4

    Tiffany is a dancer...-6

    Tiffany has implants...-8

    Her Birthday
    You take her out to dinner...0

    You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar...+1

    Okay, it's a sports bar...-2

    And it's all you can eat night...-3

    It's a sports bar, it's all you can eat night and

    your face is painted with the colors of your favorite team...-10

    You forget her birthday...-20

    You try to make it up by giving roses...-20

    You don't try to make it up by giving her roses...-30

    You forget your anniversary...-30

    You forget to pick her up at the bus station...-45

    It's in Newark New Jersy...-50

    The pouring rain disolves her leg cast...-65

    A Night Out
    You take her to a movie...+2

    You take her to a movie she likes...+4

    You take her to a movie you hate...+6

    You take her a movie you like...-2

    It's called Death Cop 3...-3

    Which features Cyborgs having sex...-9

    You lied and said it was a foriegn film about orphans...-15


    Go with a pal....0

    The pal is happily married....+1

    The pal is single...-7

    He drives a Ferrari...-10

    With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)...-15

    You buy her flowers only when it's expected...0

    You buy her flowers just for the heck of it...+20

    You give her wild flowers you actually picked yourself...+30

    And she contracts Lyme disease...-25

    Your Physique
    You develop a noticeable potbelly...-15

    You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it...+1

    You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy pants and large Hawaiian shirts to cover it up...-30

    You say: "I don't care, cause you have one too."...-800

    You spend a lot of money on something impractical...-5

    She can't use it...-10

    Such as a motorized model airplane...-20

    And she got a small appliance for her birthday...-40

    You lost the directions on a trip...-4

    You lost the directions and ended up getting lost...-10

    You ended up getting lost in a bad part of town...-15

    You ended up getting lost in a bad part of town and you met the locals up close and personal...-25

    You know them...-60

    The big question
    She askes do I look fat?...-5

    You hesitate in responding...-10

    You reply,"Where?"...-35

    When she wants to talk you listen with what looks like a concerned expression...0

    When she wants to talk you listen for 30 minutes...+5

    You listen for over thirty minutes without looking at the T.V....+10

    She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep...-60

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    lol, good post. I think I'll refer to this from now on, if a female would verify this all is true. Anyone?

  3. #3
    Senior since the 3 dot era
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    very woman unfriendly...
    do you think this all is true, a lot is

  4. #4
    PHP/PostgreSQL guy
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Yes, I would hazard a guess and say a lot is true. It wouldn't be so bad if communication were better. I mean, you can't win as a guy when your gf/wife/mistress/etc says "Do I look fat?". If you say yes, you're dead, if you say no, you're lying, if you say you abstain, see #1 and #2. Shite like that is what pisses me off.
    We the willing, led by the unknowing, have been doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much with so little for so long that we are now qualified to do just about anything with almost nothing.

  5. #5
    Fastest Thing Alive s0nIc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    haha based on personal numerous experiences.. YES THIS IS VERY VERY TRUE! hahah so men, be aware, be very aware. hahaha...

    Like i once said.. if GOD was a woman, all me would go to hell not knowing why...
    Man: God why put us here in hell?..
    God: Coz...

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    females aren't really like that... it's kinda close thou

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