Stupid Questions for Smart People

[BERBURT]

even though i risk getting flamed and give a handfull of anti points come on guys give em a break i had a couple good laughs and im sure u did 2

[I am a cracker]

Yea whatever, I have a joke for you whats the smartest thing to come out of a bitc** mouth?

[ac1dsp3ctrum]

Einsteins *****...

[oblio]

I happen to have had my account closed twice not once. Don't tell my boss that I don't really know anything about computers or I might lose this cush job.

[SSJVegeta-Sei]

*How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
-We make it an offer it can't refuse
* How do you get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass?
-"Keep off the Grass" sign gun
* How do you get off a nonstop flight?
-Jump
* How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
Your printer beeps at you
* How do you throw away a garbage can?
Put it in a larger garbage can
* How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work
in the mornings?
He lives there.
* How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
10 Metric Tonnes if he's on horse steroids.
* If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear
his Walkman?
No, since walkmans fall off your head/body and skip quite easily if you do anything other than sit very still
* If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it considered a
ham-hock?
No, it's considered a liability.
* If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless, naked, or both?
None of the above. He simply can't run UNIX commands, and is in danger of being pegged as a terrorist.
* If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people
wear earmuffs?
Just because they're deaf doesn't mean they're stupid. Black glasses look *good*
* If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?
Babies by association.
* If I save time, when do I get it back?
You get a TBO on Friday or Monday, unless you choose to cash it in for the hours worth in salary.
* If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the
rabbit?
He's a cybernetic slave running cargo from here to Mars.
* If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants
over his trousers?
Those things are tight. He doesn't want to lose his circulation and therefore his virility.
* If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales
look like the way they do?
You try eating 20 tons of plankton a day and see how you look.
* If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
#1 is better, but much too expensive.
* If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Leprechauns.
* If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
No. Japanese Horseradish goes with sushi. Sushi is uncooked, not unprepared, just like white wine. Sushi is an art, not raw fish.
* If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
Yes, after you threw up.
* If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
So that you know you're drunk because you can't find it.
* If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
No, you'll lose it when you trip over a rock and take off all of the skin on your back.
* If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Yes. It's impolite not to respond to a wave.
* If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
times, does he become disoriented?
Unless he has no inner ear.
* If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Programmed the latest version of Windows.
* Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they
taste funny?
No, they don't eat clowns because they don't have any.
* Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw
hamburgers?
No, Asians do not act like morons at weddings.
* Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy
javelin thrower?
No, it was discovered by a well endowed man who's girfriend's father found them having sex in the backyard by the fence.
* What do people in China call their good plates?
bo tai ci qi
* What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it?
Sleeping Chamber
* What do you call a male ladybug?
A male Ladybug
* What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes?
Gesundheit
* What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
It's been removed long before then.
* What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where
do you tell them to go?
Deeper
* What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
A gift that you don't eventually pay for in some way... (doesn't really exist - TANSTAAFL)
* What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need
cheese shredders?
The FBI
* When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Nothing you moron, cheese can't talk
* When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?
Only if they have severe internal hemmoraging and are already mutants
* When they first invented the clock, how did they know
what time it was to set it to?
The Sun... geez...
* Where are the germs that cause good
breath?
WTF??? They don't exist! Stop asking really dumb questions!
* Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?
FROM SPRINGS! YOU KNOW, THE OTHER DEFINITION? USA, GET A VOCABULARY
* Why are all blackboards called that when some of them
are green?
Tradition.
* Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
Because respectable people don't use the word "ass" to refer to one's behind, and certainly not in Latin.
* Why are they called "stands" when they
are made for sitting?
Look, they stand in front of something. Ok?
* Why aren't there ever any guilty bystanders?
They wouldn't be bystanders then.
* Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the
company just hire taller dancers?
That's the reason that it's called ballet, and not hip-hop or break dancing. It's a style!
* Why do people tell you when they are speechless?
Because they're morons!
* Why do they give you a tape with a VCR to tell you how to use it?
So that they can make you pay extra for the tape.
* Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
So the blind guy in the rear passenger seat can use it.
* Why do we need training bras? What can we teach them?
I can't answer this personally, but from what I am told, bras are the most uncomfortable things in the world. Training bras are more comfortable. It's a kind of build up a resistance thing.
* Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
I won't answer that in polite company.
* Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are
already there?
You wouldn't be there if you hadn't asked.
* Why do your feet smell and your nose runs?
Once again, DIFFERENT DEFINITION of the words smell and run. Ye gods...
* Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic...
shouldn't they already know you're coming?
Shouldn't that tell you something about going to see a psychic?
* Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice?
Because it takes 10 seconds to cook new instant bacon. Never believe everything you see on TV/Read
* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Because glue hardens due to a reaction with Oxygen... it's chemical. Seal the bottle and no oxygen can get in, ergo no stick. If you want an answer to this question, yes, it does, leave the bottle open.
* Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Many Asians don't have beards, and they don't have to shave. Why not Tarzan?
* Why don't they just use fattest man in the world for a
hockey goalie?
Because
a) he can't stand up on skates
b) he can't stand sports, period
c) they don't have that many pucks
d) they don't have jerseys that size
* Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Refer to previous question on psychics.
* Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Because a pianist plays the piano - we could also call him a player. Instrumentalists are always organists, flautists, etc. A person who DRIVES a race car is called a Driver. You figure it out.
* Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Because people are lazy and don't feel like changing what they call it once it's done.
* Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Scavengers. Many animals can smell death even underground and will huge holes into the ground to eat the corpse.
* Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, put he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
He's a showman. It wouldn't be the same if he let EVERYTHING bounce off of his chest.
* Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Because dishwashing liquid has under a millilitre of real lemon, but they want to tempt you to buy it.
* Dumb Question: If your scared half to death twice, what happens?
You have a heart attack.
I removed the original caption of 'Questions only dumb people would ask', Because I've asked half of these questions
Well then what does that say about you? I've managed to answer all of them.

Sorry to anybody who finds me a bit angry at parts of this (especially the last couple lines) but I spent over 45 minutes on these and I'm tired of answering them all.

SSJVegeta-Sei

[KorpDeath]

It means you have far, far, far too much time on your hands or you really need a hobby.

[SSJVegeta-Sei]

Not exactly... it means I'm sitting in High School computer class where they actually think they're teaching me something...
The only way I ever learn things around here is by taunting the technicians so that they install better security for me to break.

SSJVegeta-Sei

[5150]

heres a question. Why is taking a dump called "taking a dump?" you aren't taking it anywhere?
--> taken from beavis and butthead.