Catholic humor

[{P²P}Apocalypse]

Originally posted here by exploiter
lol, good joke..but off the point

And you are? Your contribution to the forums are exactly what?

Anyway... Funny post Korp. I suppose some people can't read and can't understand what general chit chat means (or a sense of humor).... Keep up the posting.....

[Specter6]

Too funny... And to the point... ;-)

[valhallen]

heh another quick catholic joke -

how's the pope like a x-mas tree?
The balls are just there for decoration

heh no offence meant to anyone btw

v_Ln

[cybermagellan]

Live and let live...my wife is catholic and I tell her jokes like that and she hates them, however I am not so if anyone else has any other ones like that then please do share.

You have to learn to laugh, or learn to commit suicide, but there is only one that you can keep doing once you get it right.

No offence to anyone as well

[valhallen]

ok as I'm from N.Ireland (& we have all heard of the troubles here) I thought I would show that I ain't on any side of the N.I divide so heres another....

A man walks into a small antique store & is browsing for a while when he spots a golden rat.
Taking it with him to the counter he asks the owner how much it is
£50 he replies but the story about it is another £50
the man agrees to pay the £50 for the rat but says that he doesn't care about the story, well not enough to hand over £50 for it.
So taking his purchase he leaves the shop and starts to walk home
A short distance on and a rat comes running out of a side street and starts following him
then another joins it, and another
this carries on for a while with rats falling in behind the man as he walks home
the man gets scared by this and starts to run - but the rats start to run as well always keeping just behind him
By the time he has reached the bridge near his house every rat in town is behind him
fearing for his life the man tosses his new gold rat over the bridge and into the water
all the rats that were following him leap the bridge wall as well and land in the water & drown
A couple of minutes later the man arrives breathless back in the shop
"aahhhhh" says the shopkeeper "you have come back for the story!?"
"nope, I just want to know if you have any golden protestants?" says the man

btw:thanx for the greenies deb - you pushed me into the realm of butler monkeys!! woohoo! just what have always wanted

[debwalin]

Valhallen...you have butler monkies, and I'm not a junior member anymore...Today is a big day!!

w00t w00t!

Lol...Deb

[Shangrila]

Lol that was pretty damn funny. I can't think of any religious jokes right now but if I do I'll post it later. I would give you greenies but I'm having some technical problems right now. Well keep em coming .

[valhallen]

Deb nope i don't have butler monkeys anymore....this post has pushed me off the quivering antipoint montain down into the butler monkey jungle where it lead me to a rift in time!!!

As a thankyou I'll type out a couple more jokes.....as always no offence meant

A priest and a rabbi are in a head on car crash
Both cars are completely written off and it looks like no one could have surrvived
but both the proest and the rabbi climb from the crumpled wreckage that was their cars without so much as a scratch or a bruise.
The Rabbi truns to the priest and says "This is surely a miracle, a sign from God that we should forget our differences and become friends"
As the rabbi is saying this the priest notices that a bottle of communion wine has also surrvived the crash and lifts it from his car saying
"this 2 must surely be a sign from God that we should toast to our new friendship"
with that the priest opens the bottle and takes a deep swig before offering it to the rabbi
the rabbi declines the offer and says to the priest
"no thanks, I think I'll wait for the police to get here first"

The pope and bill clinton both die at the same time
and in a mix up the pope goes to hell and bill goes to heaven
a short while later the mix up is discovered and they are transfered to the proper place
on the way down bill passes by the pope and asks him
"is it really as bad as people say?"
the pope replies "oh yes, what about heaven whats it like?"
"wonderfull" says bill "absaloute paradise"
the pope is over-joyed and tells bill that he is looking fwd to finally meeting the mother of our savious the Virgin Mary
"Your about 5mins too late" replies Bill

ok last one (got work to do)
3 nuns die and are going up to heaven
they arive at the pearly gates and are welcomed by st Peter
Peter says o them that it is a rule that before the nuns can enter they must wash any part of their bodies that has come into contact with a mans penis in a basin of holywater by his side
As the first nun goes up and starts wshing her hands the 3rd nun turns to the second and says "sister would you mind if i gargled before you sit in it?"

v_Ln

[debwalin]

Oh my....that last one was GROSS!!


Here's one for ya:

Bill Gates dies, and because he has so much money, he gets to decide whether he wants to go to heaven or hell. So he asks for a tour. In heaven, there are angels flying around, playing harps and singing praises. In hell, there are girls in bikinis laying around drinking beer and playing on computers. So, of course, he chooses hell. After all the paperwork is finished, he goes thru the door, only to find everyone in flames, begging for water. Bill says "Hey what happened to the girls in bikinis with the beer and computers?!?" The devil says "Oh, I'm sorry, that was just the screen saver."

Hehe...kinda dumb, but it made me laugh!!

Deb

[Tedob1]

to stay on topic:

Early one morning, a rabbi, a catholic priest and a lutheran minister go fishing out on the lake, in a rowboat.

during the course of their conversations they get around to the topic of the power of respective religions.

the rabbi stands up and says, "the power of Judaism comes directly from god". with that he steps over the side of the boat and WALKS, on top of the water, out about 10 paces, turns around, walks back to the boat, sits down and glares at the catholic priest.

The priest stands up, shouts directly at the rabbi, "the power of the catholic church comes directly from christ the savior". he steps over the side of the boat. walks out ten paces, comes back and sits down.

the rabbi and the priest now sit there, glaring at the minister, who stands up and states "the lutheran church is as strong as any", steps over the side of the boat, falls right into the water, kicking and splashing trying to keep from going under. the rabbi leans over to priest and whispers, "tell me father, do you think we should tell him where the stumps are?