Take a break......

Sign in a bar : "Those .....drinking to forget........ please pay in advance."

Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.

A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!

When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading.

My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He drinks straight out of the bottle.

You know the kids are growing up when your daughter begins to put on lipstick or your son starts to wipe it off.

I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants Black Coffee.

Getting caught is the mother of Invention.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, Snore and you sleep alone.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is the fact that it has never tried to contact us.

Seen on a bulletin board: Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.

Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay: We need your heads to run our business.

A traffic slogan: Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough or else they will never be.

Sign in a restaurant: All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager.