I've asked this question before and done some research, but I still just don't quite get it. Reason being, primarily, I'm just so new to this. But I've been net admin for a few months now, and it's time to really learn how to scan for vulnerabilities in a network.

Unfortunately, it's hard to find where to start learning when you don't know anything yet. The topic is so laden with tech-jargon it's almost as if you have to know something before you can learn something. So, I'm starting this thread for us idiots. Can you security gurus out there explain to us in stupid-terms where to start with this? What network scanners do we start with, for example, and once we use one for the first time, how do we interpret the "gibberish" we get? What do you look for first? How do you keep up with those thousand+ ports? When does it all make sense?!

And remember folks, stupid terms. Really stupid terms.