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Thread: Post Your "Insensitive and Uninformed" French Jokes Here!

  1. #1
    Senior Member OverdueSpy's Avatar
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    Nov 2002

    Post Your "Insensitive and Uninformed" French Jokes Here!

    Every nation and it's people are allowed to create and tell jokes about Americans, where we Americans are expected to find these jokes humorous and laugh uproariously at them. As a matter of fact most of these American oriented jokes are funny. I think it says something good about the United States that we can laugh along with people that find humor in our mistakes, shortcomings, and failures (perceived or real).

    Anyways I get tired of other nationalities crying foul when we return the favor and tell jokes about their countries/people. So I decided to, rub some stupidity in the face of these complainers, and make a thread where you can post all of your "uninformed and insensitive" jokes. And let's try to keep them clean please. It's not limited to the French though, I just used that title as eye candy. Even American Jokes are allowed.

    As always "you foreigners" or "foreign sympathisers" can use this thread to complain about how unjust this thread is. But know before hand that I will not rise to answer your accusations, because I find these types of complaints trivial at best and not worth my time and effort to formulate a reply.

    To kick things off, here are a few French jokes told by Colorado's Govenor Bill Owens.

    Have fun!

    The governor of Colorado is catching hell from French diplomats for what they call "unfortunate and ill-informed" jokes about the French at a Republican Party convention, reports the Denver Post.

    In a keynote speech, Gov. Bill Owens cracked a few jokes that didnít sit well with the frogs.

    "You know why they planted those big trees along the boulevard in Paris?Ē he asked. ďSo the invading armies could march in the shade."

    And, he continued, "You know why the new French navy has glass-bottom boats? So it can see the old French navy."

    Nathalie Loiseau of the French Embassy in Washington criticized Owens for what she said was "uselessly practicing French bashing for the purpose of playing politics."
    The mentally handicaped are persecuted in this great country, and I say rightfully so! These people are NUTS!!!!

  2. #2
    Just a Virtualized Geek MrLinus's Avatar
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    Sep 2001
    Redondo Beach, CA
    What american jokes? All the jokes I know are newfies and involve drinking lots of screech.
    Goodbye, Mittens (1992-2008). My pillow will be cold without your purring beside my head
    Extra! Extra! Get your FREE copy of Insight Newsletter||MsMittens' HomePage

  3. #3
    Senior Member OverdueSpy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    LOL MsMittens. Can I get some of that Beer though?

    Here are some Examples of American Jokes, pulled off of

    Q: Why does it take 3 Americans to change a lightbulb?

    A: One to stand on the ladder, and two to carry enough lightbulbs until one is found that isn't defective.

    Q: How can you tell it's midnight at an American airport?

    A: When you see the 8:00 PM flights taking off.

    Q: Why do American 18-year-olds take sex education courses?

    A: So they can learn what they've been doing wrong for the past five years.

    Q: What do Americans call a TV set that goes five years without need of repair?

    A: An import.

    Q: How can an American be certain that the car he's just bought is actually new?

    A: When it's recalled by the factory.
    The mentally handicaped are persecuted in this great country, and I say rightfully so! These people are NUTS!!!!

  4. #4
    AO Guinness Monster MURACU's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Sorry overdue the best people in the world for laughing at themselves are the Irish. I will try to find and translate some proper french jokes for you. Those ones above are pitifull. The best jokes about the french comes from belguim.
    \"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.\"
    \"The reason we are so pleased to find other people\'s secrets is that it distracts public attention from our own.\"
    Oscar Wilde(1854-1900)

  5. #5
    AO French Antique News Whore
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    I kind of disagree with this thread. I have nothing against humor but this site should stick to computer related humor. Making fun of a nationally like French is always dangerous. Being French Canadian myself, Iím a bit annoyed by this thread.
    -Simon \"SDK\"

  6. #6
    Senior Member RoadClosed's Avatar
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    Jun 2003
    French Canadian? So are you French or Canadian? I quess to qualify you would be a citizen of both? Who has Canada jokes?

    //Edit found this one, pretty harsh eh?

    1. Everybody assumes you're an *******
    2. Racism is socially acceptable
    3. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians
    4. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbor
    will move out next
    5. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada
    6. The FLQ
    7. Your hockey team is made up entirely of dirty French guys
    8. The province with the oldest, nastiest hookers
    9. NON-smokers are the outcasts
    10. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo bastards"
    West of House
    You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
    There is a small mailbox here.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    You silly Yanks and yisser jokes!

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Hey umm.. I can kinda see why this is in Cosmos, but shouldn't it be in Tech Humor? Just a thought.
    Space For Rent.. =]

  9. #9
    Senior Member nihil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    United Kingdom: Bridlington

    Name: _________________ Stage name: ____________________

    Agent: __________________Attorney: _______________________

    [ ] male
    [ ] formerly male
    [ ] both
    [ ] female
    [ ] formerly female

    If female, indicate breast implant size: ____
    Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? [ ] Yes [ ] No

    [ ] Lawyer
    [ ] Actor/Waiter
    [ ] Film-maker/Self-employed
    [ ] Writer
    [ ] Car Dealer
    [ ] Pan-handler
    [ ] Agent
    [ ] Hooker/Transvestite
    [ ] Other; please explain: ______________

    Please indicate how many times you expect to have sex in car:_______

    Please indicate how much you plan to spend for this sex._________

    Please list:
    Brand of cell phone: ________________.
    (If you don't own a cell phone, please explain.)

    Please check hair color:
    Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
    Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
    Men: Please list shade of hairplugs. ___________

    Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)
    [ ] Eating a wrap
    [ ] Applying make-up
    [ ] Talking on the phone
    [ ] Having sex
    [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
    [ ] Tanning
    [ ] Snorting cocaine
    [ ] Watching TV
    [ ] Reading Variety
    [ ] Surfing the net via laptop

    Please indicate how many times you:
    a) expect to shoot at other drivers.
    b) expect to be shot at while driving.

    If you are the victim of a car-jacking, would you immediately:
    a) Call the police to report the crime;
    b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase;
    c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through;
    d) Call your therapist;
    e) None of the above (South Central resident).

    Please indicate if you drive:
    a) a Beemer,
    b) a Lexus,
    c) a Mercedes,
    d) Cabriolet.
    If your answer is D, please add six to eight weeks to normal delivery time for your driver's license.

    In the event of an earthquake, should you:
    a) stop your car
    b) keep driving and hope for the best
    c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
    d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4

    In the instance of rain, should you:
    a) never drive over 5 MPH
    b) drive twice as fast as usual
    c) you're not sure what "rain" is

    Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.

    Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
    a) Prozac;
    b) Zovirax;
    c) Lithium;
    d) Zantax.
    e) If none, please explain: __________________.

    Length of daily commute:
    a) 1 hour
    b) 2 hours
    c) 3 hours
    d) 4 hours or more.

    When stopped by police, should you:
    a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready
    b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405
    c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.

  10. #10
    Senior Member nihil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    United Kingdom: Bridlington
    The previous one came to you courtesy of the USAF, this one is from the DNI(USN)


    Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Arkansas State
    The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years.
    What do a Divorce in Arkansas, and a Tornado have in common?
    Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.
    Why do folks from Arkansas go to the movie theater in groups of
    18 or more?
    17 and under not admitted.
    What do you get when you have 32 Arkansans in the same room?
    A full set of teeth.
    Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Arkansas?
    Everyone has the same DNA.
    Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Arkansas burned down?
    Almost took out the whole trailer park.
    A new law was recently passed in Arkansas:
    When a couple gets a divorce, they're still brother and sister.
    Two Arkansas are walking down the street toward each other and
    one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey, Tommy Ray,
    what'cha got in the bag?"
    "Jus' some chickens."
    "If I guess how many there are, can I have one?"
    "I'll give you both of them."
    "OK. Ummmmm......, five?"
    The Arkansan and his gal were embracing passionately in the
    front seat of the car. "Want to go in the back seat?"she asked.
    "No," he replied.
    A few minutes later she asked, "Now do you want to get in the
    back seat?" "No," he said again, "I wanna stay here in the front
    seat with you."

    Hey, you guys sent it to me huh?

    Simon, I am working on some French jokes, but I will have to sort of half translate them ?

    French humour is very dry (drole)?

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