Post Your "Insensitive and Uninformed" French Jokes Here!

[Negative]

A feminist congress in Belgium... Women are asked to tell about their own experiences.

A woman takes the microphone: "My name is Maria, I've been married for 25 years to Jean. All those years, I did his laundry. One day, I got tired of it!" (applause).
I said: "Jean, from now on you'll have to do your own laundry. I'm tired of it!" (applause and cheering).
The first day, I didn't see a change. The second day, I didn't see a change. But the third day, low and behold, Jean was doing his own laundry!" (the women go crazy).

A second woman takes the microphone: "My name is Babs, I've been married to Theo for 10 years. Theo's got stinky feet, and cleaning his socks takes hours. I couldn't take it anymore!" (applause).
I told Theo to wash his own stinky socks! (the women go crazy).
The first day, I didn't see any change. The second day, I didn't see any change... but the third day, Theo was washing his own socks!" (Mexican wave).

Then, a little Turkish woman takes the microphone: "My naem is Fatimah. I be married 5 year to Mohammed. Mohammed wanna eat the cous-cous every the day. I always had cook for him the cous-cous every the day, but I thinked no more! If you wanna to eat the cous-cous every the day, you make it your self every the day!" (the women go crazy).
"The first day, I did not see not anything. The second day, I did not see not anything. But the third day! The third day, the vision in my left eye finally started coming back a little!"

[devpon]

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty
badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body,
so they sent for his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer.
The three men had always done everything together.

Daryl arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the
sheet, Daryl said, "Yup, his face is burnt up pretty bad. You better
roll him over." The mortician rolled him over, and Daryl said, "Nope,
ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange.

Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took
a look at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll
him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No,
it ain't Bubba." The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two *******s."
"What? He had two *******s?!" said the mortician.
Yup, everyone knew he had two *******s.
Every time we went to town, folks would say,
"Here comes Bubba with them two *******s."

[Tiger Shark]

David Letterman: "France wants more evidence [of Iraqi violations]. The last time France wanted more evidence, it rolled right through France with a German flag."

Dennis Miller: "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq."

Jay Leno: "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"

Rep. Roy Blunt, R-Mo.: "Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried."

Blunt again: "Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was: 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"

And even an unwitting French President Jacques Chirac: "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."

[nihil]

What about Scousers...............people from Liverpool (nominally a part of the United Kingdom)

Q: What do you call a Scouser in a suit?
A: The accused

Q: What do you call a scouser in a detached house
A: The burglar

So, we have the scouser in the living room of a detached house, as you will have gathered from the above, it isn't his house

He hears this little voice:

"Jesus and I are watching you"

He freezes, and waits....................again the little voice says:

"Jesus and I are watching you"

He carefully reaches into his pocket, takes out a pencil torch, and shines it round the room...........in the corner is this perch (stand) with an Amazonian Grey parrot on it.............

He thinks that if it starts causing a fuss it will wake the whole house and he will be caught, so he had better humour it.

He says:

"Hello polly, pretty polly, polly want a cracker? (some sort of buiscuit you can get to feed to parrots)

The parrot replies:

"Jesus and I are watching you"

So he says:

"Hello polly, what's your name?"

The parrot turns its head to one side, scratches it (they do that you know) and replies:

"Imogen"

He responds:

"OH, Imogen, that's a funny name for a parrot?"

The parrot replies:

"Not half as funny as calling a rottweiler Jesus?"



"Jesus and I are watching you"??????????????? oh well

[devpon]

"There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon." —Jay Leno

"Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go in reverse. Tanks that only go in reverse — they've been repackaged and sold to France." —Craig Kilborn

Q: Wy don't the French want to bomb Saddam Hussein?
A: He hates America, he loves mistresses and he wears a beret. He is French.
Conan O'Brien

Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad?
A: A salesman.

Q: Why do the French call their fighter the "Mirage"?
A: Because it's never seen in a combat zone.

Q: What do you call a French fighter coming to the rescue of American and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert?
A: Mirage

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: All of them: One to screw the bulb in, the rest to brag about how great the French are at screwing.

[nihil]

Hmmmmmmmmmm?

1. Which American sculptor created the Statue of Liberty?
2. At which American Shipyard was the "Bon Homme Richard" built? (John Paul Jones' ship)
3. Who have been the only mob to successfully invade England in the last thousand years or so?

Simon................where are you meck?..............I am fighting a rearguard action here? (Roland de Roncevalles?)

And the French can play Rugby (after a fashion)?

Glad this one is in Cosmos and you are not allowed to give antipoints

[Tiger Shark]

Who have been the only mob to successfully invade England in the last thousand years or so?

Er... that was the Normans.... Not the French as a whole.....

Please... Don't give the French credit where it isn't entirely due.... They are arrogant enough as it is......

[Tedob1]

Three dock workers, irish, Italian and polish, go sit on the pier to eat their lunch .

The Irishman open up his lunchbox and exclaims: “corned beef and cabbage! Corned beef and cabbage! Every day it's corned beef and cabbage! Im SICK and tired of corned beef and cabbage. He throws his lunchbox into the sea. Splash!

The Italian open his lunchbox and exclaims: “sausage and pepper! Sausage and pepper! Every day it's sausage and pepper! Im SICK and tired of sausage and pepper. He takes his lunch bucket and throws it into the sea. Splash!

The Pollock exclaims kielbasa! kielbasa! Every day its kielbasa! Im SICK and tired of kielbasa! Splash, into the sea goes the lunchbox.

The other two look at him and ask in surprise: “how can you know it's kielbasa? You didn’t even open it?

The pollock answers: “I make my own lunch.”

[Tedob1]

news flash:

a single engine "piper cub" aircraft has crashed into a cemetery in northen warsaw earliy this morning. rescue workers have recovered one hundred and thirty seven bodys so far. digging continues.

[OverdueSpy]

Q: Why don't the French water-ski?
A: Because they can't find a lake with a slope on it!

Q: Why do the French keep a trash can full of manure at their weddings?
A: It's to keep the flies off of the Bride.

Glad this one is in Cosmos and you are not allowed to give antipoints

The whole reason I put this here. I don't understand why some people can't laugh at themselves, though. Hopefully this thread will shed some light upon their inferiority complexes or make them so mad that they seethe with anger over the "personal" affrontery.

Thanks everyone for your input.