It is said that we should always see the future by learning from the past !!
Have a laugh.........
The military history of France:
Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2,000 years of French history.
France is conquered by, of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic
who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare:
"France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever
lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to
get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as
chapeaux.
The Dutch War - Tied.
War of the Augsburg League / King William's War / French and Indian War Lost,
but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Francophiles
the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The war also gave the French their
first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.
American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future
Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far
more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome," and leads to the
Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!)
due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk frat
boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United
States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only
sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein."
Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and
Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel song.
War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with
the Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army
by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare:
"We can always beat the French.
" This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans,
English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.
Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should
not be "Can we count on the French?" but, rather, "How long until France
collapses?"