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Thread: How to get: Banned from the internet.

  1. #1
    Regal Making Handler
    Join Date
    Jun 2002

    How to get: Banned from the internet.

    I just come across this and found it rather amusing

    From Here:
    # Illegal Activity - This includes pyramid scams, lottery scams, selling illegal things, using drugs, etc. It is especially illegal to read Uncyclopedia articles or even worse, to write or edit them.
    # Warez Handling/Sharing - A mass-spread infection across hundreds of IRC networks and membership-required websites, Warez is widely considered the marijuana or crack cocaine of the internet, being that once the user in question grabs hold of anything possibly illegal, be it songs or Microsoft XP Pro, their conscience is reprogrammed to steak from honest, hard-working Microsoft. Steal even.
    # Swearing - The most common offence leading to banning. Anyone caught Swearing on the Internet will be immediately banned without a single mother ****ing goddamn warning.
    # Piracy - Everyone on the Internet pays for their music, or else they wouldn't be on the Internet anymore. (see Warez Handling/Sharing)
    # Pornography - Anyone caught posting, looking at, searching for, storing, ingesting or thinking about Pornography on the Internet will get banned. See also Pics Plz.
    # Fibbing - The Internet has very high standards for reliable information. Anyone caught posting information that is not true will be banned and the information will be removed.
    # Wiki Vandalism - Unlike shoplifting, wiki vandalism hurts everyone.
    # Refusing to Forward Chain Mail - The integrity of the systems that forward email around the world depend upon everyone diligently forwarding every interesting email to at least their twelve closest friends.
    # Forwarding Chain Mail - According to the IETF, "Never send chain letters via electronic mail. Chain letters are forbidden on the Internet. Your network privileges will be revoked. Notify your local system administrator if your ever receive one." (Like, seriously ( They actually said that.)
    # Presenting False Personal Information - Everyone on the Internet is careful to ensure that their behaviour and statements are a true reflection of their real-world self. On the Internet, everyone knows you're a fat middle-aged man.
    # Being a skeptic - Failure to believe everything you read on the Internet will result in a note in your permanent record, as well as banning.
    # Eating Bon-bons - It is a well known fact that if you are ever caught eating bon-bons while using the Internet, not only will you be banned, but executed as well. With bon-bons being the leading cause of death in the world, a well-educated person would not find this surprising.
    # Democracy- Talking about, thinking about or reading about democracy will earn you an instaban from the internet. You will be deported to China, where coincidentially this page got uncyclopedia Banned From China.
    # Speaking "Leet" - Leet Speak was banned in April of 2005 when it was announced by the U.S. Department of a Unified Homeland (DUH) that it is the secret code-language of illiterate terrorists.
    # Camping in Counter Strike - Also those who use the more advanced weapons developed to the game instead of fighting with a knife or some lousy pistol, will be banned. Shooting through any concrete walls will result in the same.
    # Hitler- As soon as you compare someone to Hitler, you lose the argument immediately, the thread closes, and you are banned. For this reason, when arguing with someone on the internets, you should try to trick your opponent into comparing you with Hitler. Rallying for the extermination of the Jewish race or proposing that people follow you in a war for the purity of the Arian blood is an effective way to to assure you won't be banned from the internet. You will also win a Certificate of Hitlertude.
    # Graphically representing the ash - This kind of activity is condemned by Sherrod DeGrippo.
    # Residing in the City of Detroit - No questions asked, its just a fact of life.
    # Being a furry or furry fan - It's official, God hates them.
    What happens if a big asteroid hits the Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. - Dave Barry

  2. #2
    Leftie Linux Lover the_JinX's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Beverwijk Netherlands
    OMFG.. I needed that..

    also the uncyclopedia article on Steve Ballmer is great !!
    cd /usr/bin
    /usr/bin$ sudo ln sudo ****ing
    /usr/bin$ ****ing ln gdm google
    /usr/bin$ ****ing killall google

    —Steve Ballmer on GNU/Linux
    And don't forget about Fred (closet gay) Phelps
    ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.
    When in Russia, pet a PETSCII.

    Get your ass over to SLAYRadio the best station for C64 Remixes !

  3. #3
    Regal Making Handler
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    According to lore, his birth was an odd occasion - her mother went to the loo and simply shat him out.
    Ive just splurted tea all over my VDU and keyboard. What a sodding mess.
    What happens if a big asteroid hits the Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. - Dave Barry

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