Do this don't do that can't you read the signs?

[Black Cluster]

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the
judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."

Mickey replied, "No I didn't, I said she was f**king Goofy."

[ByTeWrangler]

Erotic Thoughts


Jack was shipwrecked on a remote island. Although he had plenty of food and water, there was nothing for him to do except play with himself. After many years, even that became so monotonous that he couldn't even get an erection. Now, completely without any happiness, his sanity began to slip away.

One morning, as he is lying on the beach, he thinks he sees a ship in the distance. He quickly starts a fire, and then throws wet seaweed on top until smoke is billowing high in the air. The ship starts to come his way!

Jack gets all excited and thinks, "Finally! I'm going to be saved! The first thing I want is to take a long, hot shower. Then theyll give me some clothes and I'm going to go upstairs and have a nice dinner. I will find a nice lady to dance with, then I will take to her cabin and we can kiss and I can fondle her body. She'll start to take off her clothes and she'll be wearing red silk panties!"

At this, he gets an erection. He slips his hand into his shorts, grabs his pecker, and yells, "Ha Ha Ha!! I fooled you! I lied about the ship!"

[dmorgan]

Q: What do you call a black guy who flys a plane ?




A: A Pilot you ****in racist

[wiskic10_4]

My favorite 3 quotes from bash.org:

#126218 +(4202)- [X]

<WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs> i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
<XeNoX> Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch.

#434593 +(4426)- [X]

*** Topic in #doghouse is 'Our hearts are extended to the 17 victims of the recent internet fraud'
* Anubis has joined #doghouse
<Anubis> what fraud?
<Kadmium> You haven't heard about it?
<Anubis> no?
<Kadmium> You can read the full story at http://www.tubgirl.com
<Anubis> omg wtf!
*** Kadmium changes topic to 'Our hearts are extended to the 18 victims of the recent internet fraud'

#412248 +(3962)- [X]

<Locl-Yocl> I helped the EMTs at a car wreck and got blood all over my arms and shirt. It looked like I murdered 20 people with a fork... anyway, I walked into a convieniance store down the street and said my girlfriend needs a tampon. The guy at the counter was mortified

-Wiski C.

[memyshukis]

A busful of nuns on the way to the convent got into a terrible accident and all the nuns parished.

The line of sisters were waiting at the pearly gates to go to the promised land as each was briefly interviewed by Saint Peter.

To the first nun St Peter says: "Sister Margeret, have you ever touched a mans penus?"
The nun answers that she had once tickled one with her finger. At this St Peter tells her to dip her finger in the holy water and pass on through the gates.

The second nun comes up and St Peter asks her if she had ever touched a mans penus. To this the sister answered that she had once briefly stroked one.
St Peter tells her to dip her whole hand into the holy water and pass through to meet her maker.

St Peter is about to ask Sister Jude the same question when suddenly another nun came elbowing her way to the front.
"Sister Jennie, what is the meaning of you barging to the front of the line?"

Sister Jennie replies, " Well, if I'm going to have to gargle that water Im going to do it before Sister Ann puts her ass in it!"

[klondike]

Homeless

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted
by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless
man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and
asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some
beer with it instead?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless
man replied.

"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?"
the man asked.

"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need
everything I can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course
instead of food? the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't
played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light
district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?"
exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the
money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a
terrific dinner cooked by my wife. The homeless man
was astounded.

"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I
know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty
disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see
what a man looks like who has given up beer, gambling,
golf, and sex."