OK, you know how you get the usual forwarded mail with some pretty funny stuff, well, there aren't many that have made me lough out loud, but this one surely did - it's brilliant. You have to read this, I found it hilarious...hopefully you will too.

MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle a male astronomer for
warmth during BBC1's eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there,
they're rubbing each other and he's come in his shorts."

HERE is Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use
Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

ULRIKA Jonsson was a humble GMTV weathergirl talking about snowfall when she
revealed: "I had a good eight inches last night."

LORRAINE Kelly on GMTV: "This year's hairstyle is called a shag and our
resident stylist is here to give our model one."

MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

DAVID Dickinson, talking about an antique door-knocker on Bargain Hunt,
said to expert Nigel Smith: "You're a bit of a knockers man" "Yes," he
replied. "I've come across quite a few in my time."

HERE is Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith
Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by
herself in bed last night."

ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell
us about your amazing third leg."

BEATRICE Hillyer was discussing the availability of fresh water in Baghdad
when she informed TVam viewers: "Just after the liberation, I was getting
it twice a day in my hotel room."

CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire
match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he
just tossed it off."

JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What
does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today
after a 69."

STEVE Cram covering the men's 200 metres at the World Athletics
Championships: "Pumping away, Marlon Devonish has got the Olympic champion
inside him."

CHAIN Letters host Allan Stewart was discussing a 6ft 5in contestant
called Richard when he told two women competitors: "That's enough Dick for both
of you."

EXPERT David Batty was examining a bowl with a pineapple-shaped lid on
Antiques Roadshow when he exclaimed: "This is the most magical, wonderful knob I
have ever seen."

CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live
said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."
Greg