Originally posted here by debwalin
did one or both of your parents try to manipulate you?
well first off remember that he may not be actually concenciously TRYING to manipulate your son, but rather expressing his true feelings of missing his son, which would make the child feel like it is their fault, even if it wasnt intentional.

on the other hand, i think that given human nature it is almost to be expected that one or both of the divorced parrents will attempt to manipulate the children, atleast to some degree.

I'm really worried about the emotional effects this will have on my son.
well, also keep in mind the emotional effects that spefically denying him his request could have on him. if he really wants to live with his father and you were to disallow it, that could be very painfull as he may see it as you punishing him for no(perceved) reason other than loving his father.

of course, the real question is which would be worse? that would depend on how badly he actually wants to move up there for the school year, and only you can guage that, and only when you two are alone. perhaps visit some time and offer to take him out for icecream or something and talk to him then.

I wonder if I should let him do what he wants to, or do what I really really think is right.
it may help you if you stop looking in terms of "what you think is right" vs "what he wants" and try to just look objectivly at the situation. if he does go up there he will obviously enjoy himself, but will he recieve propper support to encourage good habbits for school? will the enviroment be condusive to good health for him? what effect will moving away from all his current friends and having to find new ones have? does he want to go to be with his father or does he just want to go because of the relaxed rule set that is enforced there? does he really NEED bed-time rules and such, or would removing those rules help him become more independant? i really think that there are so many micro-details involved in cases like this that it is hard to judge on anything but a spefic case-by-case basis.

I know this was long, and I tried to make it as concise as possible.

Deb
heh, for the "size" situation you are dealing with i'd say that was VERY concise...you probably could have written a small novel had you let yourself go

[ADDED]

and by the way, that post was not to imply that you hadn't thought about all that stuff already, but rather to offer you a few(possibly) new ways to look at it.