A gentleman is pulled over by the highway patrol for speeding. The officer approaches the car and asks the man for his license.
"I don't have a license officer, they took mine after I got my 5th DUI" The man replies.
"YOu don't have a licence because of DUI's?" The officer is incredulous. "Let me see the registration and proof of insurance on your vehicle."
"Sure" says the man "I think I saw it in the glove compartment when I tossed my gun in there."
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A GUN IN THE GLOVE BOX??" screams the cop.
" Well, after I stole the car from that lady, I didn't need the gun anymore. So I put it in the glove compartment" comes the answer.
"You...you STOLE this car? What happened to the woman you stole it from?" asks the cop, by now keeping his hand on his gun.
"After I shot her, I just tossed her in the trunk" The man casually replies.
At this point the officer draws his weapon, advises the man to place his hands on his head and remain still. He then radios for back-up, which promptly arrives in the form of a captain and a SWAT team. The officer advises the captain of what has transpired, and the captain immediatly takes over the situation.
Approaching the driver, the captain says "sir, I have been informed that you lost your drivers license because you have 5 DUI charges."
The man responds "No sir, I have my license right here."
The man produces his wallet,and hands it to the captain, who upon checking via radio, finds it to be valid with no proir violations.
"I was also told the car was stolen. Do you have the registration for this vehicle?" the captain asks.
"Yes, it's here in the glove compartment." says the man, reaching across the car.
"NO SUDDEN MOVES!" barks the captain. "WE know that you have a gun in there."
"SIR" says the man as he reaches for the glove box, "I don't even own a gun, but here is my registration." He opens the glovebox, and pulls out the registration, leaving the glovebox empty.
The captain sees that the man is indeed the owner of the car, and asks for permission to search the trunk. The man complies, giving the captain the keys. Upon opening the trunk, he finds only a spare tire and a jack, and the trunk is a s clean as a pin.
"I just don't understand it." says the captain. "That officer told me that you had lost your license for 5 DUIs, that you had a gun in the glovebox of a stolen car, and the body of the woman you stole it from was in the trunk."
The man takes a long look at the captain and says "I'll bet that lying SOB tried to tell you I was speeding too."
And that, my friends, is how you get out of a speeding ticket.


*Special thanks to Tek Weasel and his earlier thread for dredging that one out of the depths of my memory.