I was reading an interview with Steve Ballmer, and I just couldn't help doing a little translation from Microsoft-speak to English in my head as I was reading.

http://zdnet.com.com/2100-1104-961877.html

On .Net:
The .Net My Services concept is fine. The business side is still being worked on.
Translation: Houston, we have a problem.
Originally, internally we were saying .Net is kind of like XML, and we were using it wherever we were talking about XML products, instead of being more precise.
Translation: Even we don't know what the fsck it is.

On the new licensing:
Some customers are very happy because they are paying less than they used to, some customers are not very happy because they are going to pay more than they used to. Probably, the most customers are not in either one of those categories. They didn't like it at first; we worked with them, we worked on their special needs. But I think they are OK with where they are.
Translation: They're going to have to learn to live with it because we have them by the gonads.

On Linux:
It is a clone of an operating system. There has yet to be any innovation, new features or new capabilities out of the Linux platform. First they cloned Unix, and there are people working on cloning some of our stuff. But it's just a cloning operating system.
Translation: When Microsoft copies, it's OK because we call it innovation. When Linux copies, it's lame because they don't have a billion dollar PR campaign to transform it into "innovation."

Part of this value proposition is partly about Linux; if you have Windows 95 or Windows 98, we want to get you onto Office XP and Windows XP. Some people wait to the first service pack, and now we have that. In times where budgets are tight, I think one of the best value propositions that we can put on the table is the desktop migration from Windows 95 and 98 to Windows and Office XP.
Translation: If you don't have any money, spend some money with us. No, wait.......

People highlight, 'OK guys--where's the source code?' I think most people don't want their employees using the source code everyday. Really, they don't.
Translation: You don't need to see his identification. These aren't the droids you're looking for.
Move along.