SOME COMMON COMPUTER ACRONYMS (and what they really mean)

PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN: It Still Does Nothing

APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit Losing Entity

SCSI: System Can't See It

DOS: Defective Operating System

DOS-II: Same as above, but we tried to fix it and the new version doesn't work any better than the old one.

BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM: I Blame Microsoft

DEC: Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM: Consumer Device--Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too


WWW: World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses

MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

and, best of all:

DOT-COM: Definitely Over Time--Completely Out of Money.
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i also found this so instead of posting again im just adding it here, enjoy.

Hello, Can't Crash Computers, may I help you?

Yes. Please transfer me to your legal department.

I'm afraid our attorney isn't here in the store, can I help you with something?

You better. I'm going to be sending you my hospital bill and you have to replace the monitor for my computer.

What happened, sir?

I was using the Internet while I was taking a bath.

In the bath?

I had a table in the bathroom. But the mouse fell in the water and when I went to get it, the monitor cable got tangled up. It fell in too and I got terribly shocked!

And you want us to pay for it?

Just get me in touch with your legal people. They'll handle it.
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You know your co-worker is a hacker when...

-Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
-Has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
-When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
-Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
-Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
-Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net."
-Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
-Their video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons.
-Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Mrs. President."
-You hear them murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor "I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"