(forwarded by a US-based friend)

Duct Tape, "Homeland Security on a Roll". No home is truly secure without duct tape. In light of the Department of Homeland Security's (DHS) recent advice for Americans to ready themselves for possible chemical and biological warfare strikes, I have put together
this helpful list:

1. Use duct tape and plastic sheeting to create airtight "safe room" in
Your dwelling. That's what the DHS recommends. I suggest that an
airtight room may get rather stuffy and oxygen deprived after the recommended
three day inhabitance, so I suggest using Bubble WrapAE instead of plastic sheeting - when you're running out of air, you just pop the little bubbles.

2. If you are going to choose one room of your house to make airtight for Three days, I suggest the kitchen, "That's where the food is." But, "If you have to hold it for three days you're gonna be in a world of pain! Make your airtight room the bathroom."

3. Or, skip the airtight room altogether and make your own biohazard suit
by duct taping yourself from head to toe. "I suggest that you duct tape
over an old suit or a pair of long johns. Do NOT apply the tape
directly to your skin. It's binding, it pinches, and when you remove it you'll
also be removing every hair on your body."

Note: If you want a bright orange biohazard suit like the professionals have, use DuckAE brand's X-FactorT tape in blaze orange. Women may desire a more feminine look and opt for hot pink duct tape. Or, if you want to hide from evil doers, use camouflage duct tape.

4. Duct tape sticky-side-up around the perimeter of your house will stop Evil microscopic bugs in their paths.

5. Fill a cardboard tube (like those inside rolls of toilet paper) with Hundreds of duct tape baffles and duct tape this to your face covering your mouth and nose. Make sure the sticky sides of the duct tape baffles are facing away from your mouth. When you inhale, the sticky baffles will filter the air you are breathing. (Use paper towel tubes - if you want to take deeper breaths.)

6. Cover the whole country with a large sheet of plastic and duct tape
it securely to the east and west coasts and along the Canadian and Mexican borders.

7. I recommend that you start stockpiling duct tape just in case the Terrorists get smart and destroy our duct tape manufacturing plants.

8. Increase your duct tape from 2.5 rolls in every house to 1.5 rolls in every room of your house.

9. Your SUV can make a great airtight family escape pod. Get the family in The vehicle and then hire a neighbor kid to wrap your SUV in 150 rolls worth of overlapping duct tape strips. Make sure he gets into the wheel wells and under the chassis. This will not only make sure that the SUV is airtight, it will also assure that you aren't driving the vehicle and blowing through our precious oil supplies (you'll kill two birds with one stone).

10. Speaking of saving gas; You can become less dependent on foreign oil using duct tape. Just make a big wad of sticky-side-out duct tape on the front bumper of your vehicle. Drive up behind another car going your direction, smack into their back bumper (give them a friendly wave and mouth "sorry") attaching your car to theirs. Put your vehicle in neutral and
turn off your engine. You'll enjoy fuel economy in the 100s of miles per gallon.

11. And, possibly the best suggestion for using duct tape to secure our homeland: A strip of duct tape over some key mouths in Washington, DC.