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Guide to the Internet

Q. What exactly is the Internet?
A. The Internet is a worldwide network of university, government, business
and private computer systems.

Q. Who runs it?
A. A 13-year old called Jason.

Q. How can I get on the Internet?
A. The easiest way is to sign up with one of the commercial "online"
services which give you their programme disks for free. Or, if you just
leave your house unlocked, they'll sneak in and install it when you're
sleeping.

Q. What are the benefts of these services?
A. The major benefit is that they all have simple "user-friendly"
interfaces that enable you to provide them with the information they need
to automatically put monthly charges on your credit card bill for ever.

Q. What is the "World Wide Web"?
A. The WWW is the multimedia version of the Internet etc.

Q. Wow! How can I get on the Web?
A. It's easy. It's easy! Suppose you're interested in buying a boat from a
Company that has a Web page featuring its models and prices. All you have
to do is to fire up your Web software, and type in the Company's Webpage
address, which will probably be an intuitive, easy-to-remember string of
characters like this:
http://wwwfweemer-twirple.com/hepple...sockitomefee##$.fle/fo/
fum

Q. What if I type one character wrong?
A. You will launch US nuclear missiles against Norway. But, assuming you
type in the correct address, you merely press Enter, and there you are!

Q. Where?
A. Sitting in front of your computer waiting for something to happen.
Entire new continents can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a
Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary to what you may have heard,
the Internet does not operate at the speed of light: it operates at the
speed of the Dept. of Motor Vehicles. It might be quicker for you to go
over to the USA and look at the boats in person.

Q. Does that mean that the World Wide Web is useless?
A. No!. If you are patient, you will find that you can use the vast
resources of the Web to waste time in ways that you never before dreamed
possible! And the Web is just one teensy little bit , one tiny fraction, of
the gigantic, pulsating, mutating, multiplying mass of stuff out there on
the Internet. So don't be afraid! Join me and millions of others on this
exciting Cyberfrontier, with its limitless possibilties for the enhancement
of knowledge and the betterment of the human race. Wazootyman is waiting
for you!