Enjoy!!!!!!!

Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup
of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost
instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by
simply peeing in the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will
forget about the tooth ache.

Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really
Are...

You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duc Tape. If it doesn't move and
it should, use WD-40 If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are
"I apologize" and "You are right."

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to potty.

If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!

Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never know when you
are going to need them to empty your bedpan!

"Life isn't like a box of chocolates...It's more like a jar
of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.