A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing infront of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

"You know love" she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my butt is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says....."Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He thinks about it for a bit and then says in a soft voice... "Well... there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
````````````````````````````````````````````````
A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:


Dear John:
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just to great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky
The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, John included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:


Dear Becky:
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember which one you are, I am sure we had a lot of fun together and the sex must have been great if I keep a picture you. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care,
John