Normally I can't stand these types of jokes. But after reading them and realizing each and every one of them is true.... Well they are funny. And they are true.



You might be a Michigander ...

... if you define Summer as three months of bad sledding.

... if your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake.

... if your family breaks into violence during the UM-MSU game (any sport!).

... if snow tires come standard on all your cars.

... if at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry.

... if you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.

... if you can identify an Ohio accent.

... if owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town.

... if you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your bike.

... if you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder.

... if you point at the palm of your right hand when telling people where you grew up.

... if you don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is.

... if someone asks you if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No, but I've been to Ann Arbor..."

... if "Down South" to you means Toledo.

... if you have any idea who Bob Ufer was.

... if octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.

... if traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.

... if you refer to your relatives in southern Michigan as "trolls" or "lopers".

... if the "Big Three" can mean either Ford, Chrysler and GM or Domino's, Little Ceaser's and Hungry Howie's.

... if a Big Mac is something you can drive across.

... if you have no problem spelling Mackinac Island.

... if you had to get a passport to go to Ohio.

... if you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones.

... if your kid's baseball or softball games games have been ever been snowed out.

... if the trees in your backyard have spigots.

... if you know that a place called "Kalamazoo" really exists.

... if you bake with "soda" and drink "pop".

... if you know what a pastie is.

... if you drive 70 mph on the highway and pass on the right.

... if your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus.

... if you have a favorite hockey team.

... if you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's.

... if you know how to play Euchre.

... if you classify your friends and relatives as "yoopers," "trolls," "Canadians," or "not from 'round here,".

... if you know at least 2 yooper jokes.

... if fudge and Bicycles remind you of your honeymoon.

... if you can name all 5 of the Great Lakes, and point to their locations around your left and right hands.

... if you don't cross picket lines.

... if you used to think Deer Season included an official school holiday.

... if you know that Pontiac and Cadillac are cities.

... if you've been to Hell and to Paradise and back again.

... if you had Tornado Drills in elementary school.

... if you know all the words to Gordon Lightfoot's classic ballad, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

... if you can actually pronounce Ypsilanti.

... if the first decision you have to make on an international trip is, "bridge or tunnel?"

... if you own only three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.

... if you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

... if you have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

... if you have 10 favorite recipes for venison.

... if Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

... if you've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

... if driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.

... if you think everyone from the city has an accent.

... if you think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

... if you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

... if the local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.

... if your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.

... if summer takes place the second week of July (and it still rains!!).

... if you know which leaves make good toilet paper.

... if you find -20F a little chilly.

... if the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.

... if you attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.

... if shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.

... if you know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.

... if the municipality buys a zamboni before a bus.

... if you drink "Vernors" and play "Euchre".






you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through
18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pelston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through march, you might live in Michigan

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Michigan

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan




YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Michigander WHEN:

1. "Vacation" means going up north past US 75 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often swi tch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost wi! nter, winter, still winter and road construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
15. Down South to you means Indiana
16. A brat is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
22. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Michigan friends.