Windows 2000 Adv. Server

This is seriously annoying.

Trying to update to latest patches, but the "new and improved" Windows Update website is requiring me to download and install Windows Installer 3.1. It downloads, begins to install, then gives me this error:

The following updates were not installed: Microsoft Windows Installer 3.1
That's it. No explanation, just that it failed. It advises me to check installation logs, but the log has no entry on this install failure.

So, I have no clue what the deal is. However, I can't update patches until I figure it out. Yay Microsoft.