Why We Love Children

[cheyenne1212]

I just got these in my email and thought they were pretty funny. So I'll share them with you.


Why We Love Children
>
>1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
>"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
>"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
>innocently.
>You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
>"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
>didn't move."
>
>
>2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
>Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
>"What?"
>"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
>"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
>Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
>"WHAT?"
>"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
>I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
>Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
>"WHAT!"
>"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
>
>3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
>finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
>The boy thought it over and said,
>"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
>until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>
>4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
>a mother was tucking her son into bed.
>She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his
>voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
>The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
>"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
>A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
> "The big sissy."
>
>5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
>sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
>One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
>as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
>"That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
>The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
>"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
>
>6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
>came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
>the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
>I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
>"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
>
>7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
>"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
>Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
>His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
>The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
>"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
>"Yes," he answered.
>Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
>teaching my son in math?"
>The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
>The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son
>of a bitch is four?"
>After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
>two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>
>8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
>to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
>to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
>Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
>falling!"
>The teacher paused then asked the class,
>"And what do you think that farmer said?"
>One little girl raised her hand and said,
>"I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'"
>The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
>
>9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
> "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
>Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
>The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
>"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
>She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
>
>10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
>boys?"
>Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
>The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
>"If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
>
>11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
>She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
>eating a snack cake
>The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."
>She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
>

Heres another email I got. Its pretty funny to.

Q. What's a mans definition of marriage?
> >
> > A. A very expensive way to get your laundry done.
> >
> > ****************************
> >
> > A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night goes to his mother with
> >
> > the following question. "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
> >
> > The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that
> >
> > your bride is pure."
> >
> > The son thanks his mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
> >
> > "Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
> >
> > The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household
> >
> > appliances come in white."
> >
> >
> >

[creative_32X_mx]

LMFAO, that's some funny stuff. I wish that i got some funny stuff in my email.
All i seem to get these days are junk mail, and lot's of it.

cheers
creative

[GrApHiCTrOn]

LMFAO, this is so funny. i havent laght this hard since 5 pm earlyer today lol

[Fatphantom]

>3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
>finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
>The boy thought it over and said,
>"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
>until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

Lol real creative

[jenjen]

good ones cheyenne...

and while it's easy to see why we love our children so much, it's another
thing when it comes to posting those darn ">'s "

and who isn't lazy ? isn't it a pain to edit all those >'s out ?

here.. do the whole world a favor.. and make those >'s go away..
and grab a copy of this great little app called the cleaner..
(no, not the trojan cleaner app of the same name)

http://ronbrandon.com/lukeminnie/email_cleaner.htm

Just think of the massive amounts of bandwidth we'd save if all the >'s
were cleaned from out from our emails..

[fl34bit3]

ROFLMFAO. Those were the best ones ive seen in a while. Ahhhh i wish i got stuff like this in my inbox too. sadly just junk also.

PeacE
-BoB

[cheyenne1212]

lol

Well I found these emails buried between my hundreds of emails from antionline saying that someone had replied to the non sensical thread. lol

Thanks for that link jenjen, but a > won't eat up that much bandwith. lol
And yeah, I am lazy. lol

[valhallen]

>8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
>to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
>to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
>Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
>falling!"
>The teacher paused then asked the class,
>"And what do you think that farmer said?"
>One little girl raised her hand and said,
>"I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'"
>The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

that owns -
as for the whole > thing they are annoying but most txt editors have a find & replace function which could be used to edit them out without the need for a sep app

v_Ln

[jenjen]

quite true v_Ln.. about editors.. but us lazy types need to count how many steps needed to perform a function..

and you know I was being overly dramatic, cheyenne, about the bandwidth..

just my feeble attempt at humour

time to "do the turkey"