Worried about my drinking

[dmorgan]

Ok, before you look to the left and see my location, etc... I am an alcoholic. I know this, and up to now I have just justified it with being 22, and having a total bachelor pad.

But the other day, something happened while I was drunk that made me really worry about my drinking.

Being memorial weekend, I had a barbeque, and invited a bunch of friends over. Well, we had just gotten done with the first round of food, and I had a good buzz going. Me and my brother started arguing (nothing new there) and a friend of mine ( a girl ) decided to jump in the conversation and push my buttons ( again, nothing new. Alot of my friends will push my buttons, just to see me angry ) . Well, what worries me is that when she started trying to make me angry, I stood up and approached her. I put my hand on her shoulders ( where those pressure points are, we all know THOSE pressure points ) and began to press down ( I do this to all my friends to cause pain, but not physically hurt them, including my brother- except in real fights with him, like all brothers get into, I try to hurt him ) My brother, already pretty heated, tackled me and seriously fought me (punches, kicks, etc..) saying that I was going to hurt her.
Now, where my problem is; I actually, at the instant I put my hands on her, could see myself really hurting her. Not punching, but submisive moves (as is my style in a physical dispute, ie; a fight). Now, before I go any further, no one hates women-beaters more than me. It is disgusting. Period. I hate the filth and scum that beats women. Nothing is more repulsive and disgusting.
But I became worried at putting my hands on her, and being able to see my rage taking over. I do NOT want to become some piece of sh*t that hurts women, yet at that instant, i could see myself doing just that. I am scared of becoming what I hate. Really scared. Any suggestions ?
I don't want to stop drinking, as I am still young, but I am scared of what continued drinking will do to me.

[Aspman]

Drink can have a Jekyll and Hyde effect on some people. I had a friend (past tense) who was like that. Great bloke sober but a complete ******* drunk. He stuck with the drink and moved onto coke and I haven't spoken to him for 4 years neither have any of the others of that group of friends.

I can be a fairly nasty person when I'm drunk too so I don't drink that much anymore, plus I get hangovers from hell which I didn't 5 years ago.

If alcohol doesn't agree with you and makes you more violent maybe you should cut back on the booze a bit. Better to be sober with friends than a lonely drunk with a reputation (justified or not) for hitting women.

Have you tried another drink? My Ex-mate was particularly bad when he drank vodka and much less so on beer.

[rider_royal]

Why don't you dont drink your next peg at all, that will take care of all that will follow it.....

Life and human relations that you can trust on are not with replay button or with alternatives, once gone they are gone, even when you cant control your urge to drink try to keep it in mind , if you value them enough, it will take care of your drinking on its own.
but as i say it depends a lot on how you value your friends, matter of choice....

PS: I have never tasted any alcohol so i don't know how it feels when you drink and get addicted but i take care not to start, rest is taken care by itself.

[MURACU]

I would look closely at what Aspman said. I am fairly lucky in that drink doesnt really have a big effect on my personality. Whereas one of friends at the time could not even drink a glass of bacardi with out going totally crazy and i mean crazy. He'd no longer feel pain and was super aggressive.
If i was you I would change my drinking habits. I'd check what i drink and the type of drunk i am with whatever drink. Sometimes it is a case of being allergic to certain things in the drink. If you cant find any definiate link between what you drink and you aggresivity then you will need to either cut down or stop.
Drinks that have the most effect on people in my experiance would be :
cheap Whiskey (boubon,jack daniels,whiskey)
Bacardi,
tiquella,
I tend to stick to wine and guinnes .

[Evil Moo]

I would suggest consulting your friends. The problem imo was more them than the booze. They willingly and intentionally provoked you just for grins and giggles. I might as well ignite a stove, place my hand on a glowing burner, then hold the stove responsible when I no longer have any fleash.

Drinking excessively is dangerous. Beating women is wrong. Provoking anger in a drunk man is both.

[dmorgan]

Thanks guys, I got a little to think about.

/edit. I love Guiness, that and Bodingtons/

[nebulus200]

I think everyone goes through a little of that, especially in the states where some may not have been exposed to alcohol until they were 21 (oops, originally said 18, but it was for me, god bless Louisiana ). Its all about learning where your limits are, learning how to keep a good buzz, but not make an ass out of yourself or feel like **** the next day. Think of a night of drinking as a marathon race...storm out of the gates and you tire quickly (passout), go to slow you get a headache...keep the pace right and you can have fun all night long and never get in bad shape...

I went through that a little when I was in college (of the heavy drinking) and honestly, if you are remember things clearly, which it appears to me that you are, you aren't too bad off (what made me personally reflect was blacking out and absolutely having no recollection whatsoever about what I had done...only to walk down the halls of my dorm and have people stare at me). What I eventually found was that I reacted pretty violently to whiskey and that I tended to get myself in the most trouble with any hard liquor (my guess being is that it is stronger and I tended to get much drunker and it was easier for it to get out of hand)...so what people have said so far is very accurate...if you are having problems with it, stick with the light stuff like beer/wine.

I personally got tired of waking up in the morning and feeling like ass and then having a busy day the next day and have grown out of it, but still drink fairly occasionally (2-3 times a week?)...all staying within my limits and this is what I would encourage you to do, find your limits and stick within them and avoid drinking on an empty stomach...that will get you every time...

[!mitationRust]

There was nothing I hated more than to see a filthy old drunkie, a-howling away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blurp blurp in between as if it were a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that, especially when they were old like this one was.

Edit**** Applying the Vulcan death grip to a girl while you're drunk is never a good idea. Actually that's never a good idea. Women have never been able to push my "buttons".

[Egaladeist]

Whiskey seems to be the culprit for most people...I drank excessively throughout my teen years, starting at age 14 ( in Bars ) until my son was almost born...which prompted me to stop drinking and grow-up...I've had maybe the equivalent of one 40ozer since ( over 25 years )...I don't drink now for the same reason...my daughters...when they're grown I'll drink...until then, it's my job not to.
Some people say well one drink won't matter...I think it does..if that one drink is the difference between me catching my daughter or missing her by one second...in my opinion it's one second reaction time I don't care to lose.
If you got kids...don't drink...don't drink in front of them or around them...and never when you're responsible for their safety...if you do decide you want to drink, get a responsible babysitter and a hotel room ( babysitter for the kids not the hotel room ) and come home the next day sober...But that's just my opinion.
If you don't have kids...do what makes you happy and what doesn't make everyone else miserable.


Eg

[foxyloxley]

Also :
check out some different 'friends':
Those that push your buttons for the 'fun' of it, are not IMHO worthy of being called friends.

Cool it with your brother too .........

My middle brother was an alcoholic / junkie [he died the day before his 38th B-Day]
I drank VERY heavily from 17 to 23. woke up one day, and decided enoughs enough .......

Still tie one on, but now it's a VERY ocassional thing.
My family are ALL drinkers, weddings are a real hooley [?]

You are only 22, you have a choice and a chance to change.
also do think about which brew does the most damage ------ for me beer was always the culprit, but then I was drinking a hell of a lot [upwards of 150 pints a week]
spirits never did it for me as I would just go straight to dead duck mode, beer got me up, and it allowed me to STAY up..............

At least you have recognized that you have a problem, work from there.

Over to you