Clench the mainsail like yer mother's leg, ye pansy poetasters -- aye, that's right look it up, ye port lovin' prevaricators -- and cover yer yella' bellies from the eye's of Iron Jack Read, who gives sermon as soon as slaughter. ARRRRR!


A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Even through many pirates have a reputation for not being the brightest souls on earth, you defy the sterotypes. You've got taste and education. Arr!