Kim Schmitz a.k.a. Kimble

[System_Overload]

I really never liked this guy... I meet Kimble in person a few years back in Las Vegas. He was a dumb ass then and he is an even bigger dumb ass now. I wish he would have killed himself.
If you dont know anything about Kimble go check out his site at kimble.org or just do a search for news on kimble...


:borg:
System_Overload

[bimmer]

hey man ur friend ,... this kimble he's looking for an PR Manager ...
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( http://www.kimble.org/)
Are you a successful PR manager and would you like to market the Kimpire or Kimble in your country? Send your reference list, track record and marketing ideas. Send your email to pr@kimpire.com.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i think u can handle the campaign for this A*S*0*L*!? .. after u r done from the poll

[System_Overload]

yeah right lol he can stick his Kimpire right up his ass....

:borg:
System_Overload

[Vorlin]

First, this is pretty long because I felt the need to laugh at this guy and I've got an hour to wait for three kernel compiles before I can reboot the systems. This stuff is pulled off of www.kimble.org so bear with me.

Our brains and the Internet, that's all we need to be successful. Follow my vision and benefit from the growth of the Kimpire. Look around, identify your chance and join the Kimpire. .

No, it's my brains and the internet that will make me successful. We've seen you rip off people, steal their donated money under a different guise and use it for your own wealth. Your vision and your 'kimpire' is nothing more than a pompous plea for free services. My chance is definitely not going to be with your 'kimpire'.

Every Kimpire profit will be shared between everybody who made it to the Hall of Fame.
If you make substantial contributions to the Kimpire, your name will appear in the Hall of Fame.
Earn respect, friendship, wisdom and money with your support for the Kimpire.
The Kimpire can make you rich and the other way around.
The Kimpire will rule the world, so better be a part of it ;-)

What profit are you talking about? Everything I read states you're wanting donations, money transfers, free services, etc...so I'm not sure where you're getting this profit from. Unless of course, you're "robbing Peter to pay Paul". As for 'substantial contributions', you mean if I donate 100,000 bucks my name can be 'centered' on a Hall of Fame web page where everyone can see what a dumbass I was?! Right on! And I'd lose respect, friendship, wisdom AND ESPECIALLY money if I supported your lousy venture.

Free service plea #1
If you are able to translate this Kimpire page to one of the following languages: Arabic, Chinese, Czech, Dutch, Finnish, French, German, Indian, Indonesian, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Malay, Norwegian, Polish, Portuguese, Russian, Spanish, Swedish, Thai, Turkish, or any other language, you are welcome to do so. It is important that your work is of high quality.

This isn't an Open Source project in need of help pages being translated into dozens of different languages. I find it HILARIOUS as **** (Eating_Scarlett, eat yer heart out, hehe) that you have german mentioned considering your paragraph of german-hate-and-discontent.

Your friends will hate you if you do this #1
The Kimpire needs to reach the critical mass to succeed. You can help the Kimpire if you inform three of your best friends about this web site. Simply type in their email addresses followed by your own email address into the fields below.

Are you out of your MIND?! My friends will kill me, burn my house down, rape my doors and kick in my women if I sent them this garbage. Either that or they'd die from pulmonary edema because their hearts gave out due to laughter. I'm not sure.

Free service plea #2
If you are a webmaster who wants to support the Kimpire, simply put a banner on your web site. Every year I will invite three referrers to one of my yachting events, for FREE:

1. The referrer generating the most visitors for the Kimpire.
2. The referrer who developed the coolest link to the Kimpire.
3. The referrer that is the lucky winner out of all referrers.


Yeah...like any webmaster would be willing to put that laughable banner on your site. They'd be made fun of until they commited suicide or until they got pissed off and took an AK-47 to work. Define 'yachting events'. Is this a yacht that was 'given to you' because you wouldn't pay for it and would only accept it in support for your 'kimpire'? But, in the event you do have three webmasters who win, let me know their addresses. I want to ridicule them until I get a restraining order slapped on me or they commit suicide.

Free service plea #3 - #5 (this is worth 3)
My site attracts more and more visitors every day, and they generate massive traffic. At the moment, kimble.org has about 500 gigabytes of traffic every month. I need a strong hosting partner with a lot of bandwidth, server power and a high level of security. I will not pay for the hosting services, but I will make sure that my hosting provider will get business by putting a "hosted by you" banner on my front page. If you are interested in a deal like this, send your email to hosting@kimpire.com.
Notice, no counter found on your page and if it is more and more every day, that's because everyone's laughing at your miserable ass. 500 gb a month of traffic? WTF are you hosting? Porn from germany? (sorry, bad bad joke) Notice, he "needs a strong hosting partner with a lot of bandwidth, security, and power" yet he will "not pay for the hosting services". Look dumb****, people are out to make money, not get leeched by idiots like you. And all they would get is a lousy ass "Hosted by you" banner on your front page? Please, with pages like yours, who needs bad advertisement? Deal..that's a laugh...downright riot. More like "if you're interested in grabbing your ankles with no vaseline", email here!

Free service plea #6
Are you a manufacturer or producer of fashion, caps, shoes, electronics, drinks, snacks, cosmetics, glasses, cartoons, or any other product that could look, feel, smell or taste good as a Kimpire product? Let’s market it together.

Yeah, let's market it together with you putting some cheesy logo on their product which actually sells which would then cause their product to NOT sell (or be sold to Consumer's Digest for the Items Not To Ever Buy list) and then they'd beat you senseless, drop your logo, and hope they can recover. Your business logo should be "With a logo like mine, you've never been closer to bankruptcy." or something similar to life-ending phrases.

Free service please #7-10 (this is worth 4)
I need a full service Internet shopping partner who can handle the sale of my products including payment and logistics. Customer care is very important. I need a service hotline for customers who prefer ordering by phone. I'll make sure my products are shipped to you, while you take care of the rest.

Yeah...a full service internet shopping partner who actually make a product that's worthwhile would never just give their product for free without something in return other than a 'shopping hosted by you' banner (I can see you giving that line). Your service hotline would cost an assload just by itself and not to mention the person on the other end. Can you imagine them? I can see them burning out after 1 day, realizing they must have nothing else to live for if they're answering calls for the 'kimpire'. Mass suicides a day later ensue. Talk about global population control, if your business actually took flight for more than a week.
Notice the 'you take care of the rest while I sit back and gloat over yet another dumbass fooled'.

Kimble.org has over 50.000 unique visitors every day. If you'd like to be a sponsor or partner on kimble.org or the Kimpire,

No, not ever, don't ask, don't offer. Please die.

*insert lots of other "Hey, if you can do this or are interested in this, let me know so I can rip off your work for free" things including but not limited to PR managers, Graphics Designers, Web Designers, Flash Designers, Kimpire tools, Graffiti Sprayers, Writers*

You're a dumbass. And so is anyone who falls for this.

Really laughable stuff
If you know cool words that include "KIM", send them. Some examples: Kimpire, Kimply the Best, Kimasutra, Kimmercial, Kimpany, Kimvestor, Kim Kong, Mission Kimpossible, Kimsalabim, etc. The best words will make it to the upcoming release of the Kimpire Lexicon.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA, holy **** (there, that's two E_S!) that's hilarious. Kimasutra! I can't believe it. India's about to burn you at the stake for desecration of THAT word. Let me know where this Kimpire Lexicon will be. Maybe me and some others will ensure that all Kim-idiots will die in one fell swoop (taken in jest, of course).

I'll stop there considering this is already a literal novel. Go to www.kimble.org and laugh at the rest. This guy's unbelievable. It looks like a failed dot-com that never made it big and he's still trying. Maybe he will, then I can read it on www.****edcompany.com. One can hope.
I do apologize if this came out too long but I found it GREAT to laugh at. Immense stress relief.

[System_Overload]

lol @ Vorlin... Good thread relpy...

:borg:
System_Overload

[Terr]

Darn, you didn't leave much left over :p The whole bit about how proceeds are given to the people in the hall of fame... and then how only top-contributors get into the hall of fame... Is it just me, or does this sound like the little guy gets ripped off, eh? I wonder if it would be possible to call down the wrath of the SEC/FTA or related other-nation agencies upon the site... I'll look at the lameness more later.

[RogueSpy]

Now thats what I call a good reply to a post. . . . Not short & sweet like mine are. GJ Vorlin. See ya in IRC.

[ThePreacher]

I visited this web site, and all I can say is "OH MY ****ING GOD!!!!!" This guy claims to be a millionaire hacker huh. Well guess what, he is broke as a joke. Check out this link on this fool.

http://www.vnunet.com/News/1126435

This guy is a bad name to all that we are and I hope he goes down with his yacht

[chsh]

I did one thing when I read through the site. I laughed. I laughed hard. I laughed very hard.

If I didn't think it before, I definitely do now, some people need to be put away for the crime of idiocy... I feel like my estimation of the IQ of humanity was off by a few dozen points.

[{P²P}Apocalypse]

All I can say is "What a moron". May The Cookie Tux jump up and bite you on the ass Mr. 1337 H@I<eR Kimble. This guy is just over the top in stupidity. If he's so good, why did he not prevent the Fluffy Bunny from ****i$#% his site up. Then he did'nt even have the skill to hunt him down. Instead he puts a bounty on his head.

I give this guy the Jester award for being an idiot...Ta da... :jester:

[the_JinX]

this shit just keep getting better better..
this thread just made my night ppl..

haven't laughed out loud behind the keyboard like this in a long time...



I'll start my shower of positive antipoints @ the top....

[jared_c]

Kim's in prison.... Why don't we send him a few letters?

Send a letter to the following address:

Kim Schmitz
c/o JVA München
Postfach 90 06 55
D-81506 München
Germany

(add self-addressed envelope with 0.56 EUR stamp if you'd like to enable Kim to answer your letter) or try emailing Kim at prison@kimble.org

Now that's comedy. :)

[System_Overload]

Im just happy I posted a non lame thread... :D It's about time...

:borg:
System_Overload

[Focmaester]

Kim Schmitz is the biggest joke in the computer security industry since se7en.
The Chaos Computer Club threw him out because he whas seriously lame. We are talking about a man who claims he got in jail because he made the bluebox. AND he says he wrote the program.
First off the blue box whas built by Captain Crunch to begin with and second it whas a pocketsize machine and not software.
the guys at www.analpink.com have a nice cartoon about him.

[ac1dsp3ctrum]

Kimble is a pathetic wannabe... he keeps on saying he was the greatest, better than anyone else... but when it comes down to it.. HE SUCKS ! :(

[psychosquee]

Hmmm... lets see here :feels bladder to make sure....:
Well, all I have to say is...

For what you want
Under these
Circumstances
Kimble, you really really suck

Yes, it is true
Or my name isn't mr.poo
Under the sky I hate you

As soon as I can
Sometime in June
Somewhere where you are still
How I will pee on you
Or defecate more
Laughing as I do this
Everyone else will be too...
!

Did you know this guys guestbook is 5mb?
He hates German people, yet a lot of german people have written in there...

To Kimble:
If I could look at you... I would pee on you...

Have you seens some of the stuff he sells? A grand prix event? WTF? A pair of his shoes for 1500 USD? No ****ing way.


P.S.- Go Fluffi Bunni... I don't care whether you are a script kiddie or a real hacker... you are my hero.

[System_Overload]

Hey get this a buddie of mine that I went to high school with says that after his mom+dad split up. His mom hooked up with Captain Crunch, and they still live together today in Palm Harbor Florida.... I never meet this guy, but some of my buddies have and they say he is the real deal.... Kinda cool I guess...

:borg:
System_Overload

[Quad]

Kimble/kim/whoever is a complete waist of air. somone should kill him to better the human gene pool.

[RiOtEr]

funny thing ur baggin out a guy who knows a lot more than u when u get some knowledge come back then u can bag him out

[The Red Guy]

He is just a poor guy.

I saw a report about him on RTL (a german TV channel). His family kicked him out early and things didn't go well in his early years. Just a poor fat bastard now in jail...

Funny thing is that the same station made report a year earlier. Praising him as an internet and hacker guru and Kimble said all the "cool" things you read on his homepage and you saw him with a fat mercedes and on his yacht. I just couldn't bear him and switched to another channel. Thought, what a yerk...

[Focmaester]

Originally posted by System_Overload
Hey get this a buddie of mine that I went to high school with says that after his mom+dad split up. His mom hooked up with Captain Crunch, and they still live together today in Palm Harbor Florida.... I never meet this guy, but some of my buddies have and they say he is the real deal.... Kinda cool I guess...

:borg:
System_Overload

I don´t think this is 100% true, Crunch lives in California.
I know that he did live in Florida a few years back but I don´t know anything about his past relationships.
The man still has his secrets, but then again they´re working on a motion picture about him.

[Vorlin]

funny thing ur baggin out a guy who knows a lot more than u when u get some knowledge come back then u can bag him out

I disagree. I'm "baggin out a guy" who's full of himself, and who doesn't offer a "real" product. Shoes for 1500 bucks? Give me a break. How egotistical is that? As far as "lot more than me", when I see some of his efforts, maybe then I'll just have an idea on just how much he DOES know because as of right now, all I see is a bunch of words on a web page and that doesn't account for shite. I also read a bunch of words trying to hype his own image up to this great being who's higher than the rest. Go join his Kimpire if you're a staunch advocate of his site. I'm sure you'll be one of the few who do.

Constructive criticism: you might consider typing a bit more concisely. I always thought substitution of 3 letters for 1 is inane and makes one look like a complete dumbass. Just MHO though.

I saw a report about him on RTL (a german TV channel). His family kicked him out early and things didn't go well in his early years. Just a poor fat bastard now in jail...

Funny thing is that the same station made report a year earlier. Praising him as an internet and hacker guru and Kimble said all the "cool" things you read on his homepage and you saw him with a fat mercedes and on his yacht. I just couldn't bear him and switched to another channel. Thought, what a yerk...

Everyone has problems in their early years. I didn't have a rose garden of a time from the time I was in HS to the time I left home but you don't see me making a bunch of crap up just to better myself and mooching/leeching off of real money-earning people. Image is nothing. Performance is everything. When he learns this, maybe he'll be better off. I knew a guy similar to this once named Don. Didn't take me too long to realize that half of what he said was complete BS. I mean, he said things like he's one of the original creators of QBert yet his name isn't on the credits because they stole his idea and he killed a tiger with his K-Bar knife overseas when he was in the SF. Oh did I mention he was taking a dump when the tiger jumped him? Come on...

[SarinMage]

Everyone has problems in their early years. I didn't have a rose garden of a time from the time I was in HS to the time I left home but you don't see me making a bunch of crap up just to better myself and mooching/leeching off of real money-earning people.

much agreed.... im still going threw that crap...and ive already been moved out for 4 months

[TechieChick]

First order of business was turning the sound down...what was with the throbbing?? It was obviously a submliminal message of some sort.....a giant machine churning out Kimblecrap?

What a load of garbage...my favorite part though was the itty bitty link way at the bottom, email kimble in jail. :D