Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

[preacherman481]

Hope somebody needs a laugh out there.DISCLAIMER: Don't take this too seriously; it is provided for amusement purposes only.

from a sermon by Jeff Strite:

"THE MEN'S THESAURUS (men don't always say what they mean)-excerpts:
When a man says: "It's a guy thing" he means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with this, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
When a man says, "Can I help with dinner" he means "Why isn't it already on the table?
When a man says, "Uh huh sure honey," or "Yes dear" he means: Absolutely nothing-- it's a conditioned response.
When a mans says, "It would take too long to explain" he means: I have no idea how it works."
When a mans says, "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard"he means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
When a mans says, "That's interesting dear," he means: "Are you still talking?"
When a man says, "You know how bad my memory is" he means: "I can remember the theme song to "F Troop," the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle indentification numbers of ever car I owned, but I forgot your birthday."
When a man says, "Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself. It's no big deal," he means: I have actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
When a man says, "I can't find it," he means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hand, so I'm completely clueless."
When a man says, "I heard you," he means: "I haven't the foggiest clue of what you just said and I hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you'll not spend the next three days yelling at me."
Whena man says, "You know I could never love anyone else" he means: "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse."
When a man says, "You look terrific!" he means: "Oh please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
When a man says, "I'm lost. I know exactly where we are," he means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

[Pooh-Bear]

lol, I´ve used "You look terrific!" and "I heard you" so many times I´ve lost count

[debwalin]

Gee, my husband and my son BOTH suffer from "I can't find it!"
lol

[SarinMage]

sounds like my dad and i.... LOL