Ah, the user...
How many times must I reset a password? How many times must I forward you the same instructions on a simple topic that you could probably learn about if you would just read the first e-mail?
I spent two and a half years on the grueling front lines of a help desk. I've heard them all, even the fabled 'any key' call. I've begged countless users to stop moving their mice while I'm remote controlling and I've had someone drop her whole desktop on my desk after I asked her to return her modem. I've met and conversed with idiots, dolts, morons, twits, ninkumpoops and boobs, but family and friends just don't understand...
You see, I, like most of you, have lost a part of myself along the way. I recall being fresh, hopeful and optimistic. I narrowly escaped a lifetime of torture at the hands of a mainframe that knew no mercy. Thankful... That was before part of me died, left lying in the gutter alongside the road of life. The murderer? Users...
So then I narrowly escaped a lifetime of torture at that hole of a job and moved onto something better. I'm ADMIN now! GOD POWERS OVER NETWORKS!!!
People still don't listen....
I changed companies-- more money, a smaller place, more leighway to do what I want. But no matter where I go, I've discovered that there's no hiding from the dreaded sub-human organism known as "The User". This person believes that their problem/request is always the most important thing that YOU NEED TO DO. This person doesn't have time to read a couple of paragraphs of instructions because they believe that you're job is to do it for them. When referring to something of a technical nature, this person frequently say that 'they don't understand that s#$t' or that they 'don't have time for that garbage'. It's always nice to have your carreer referred to in such a manner
I could probably gripe for days, but I'll save myself the embarrassment and get to a couple of ground rules that I've always wanted to put into a manual:
1. When the network is down, I DON'T GIVE A FLYING RATS ASS ABOUT CHANGING YOUR PRINT CARTRIDGES. LEAVE ME THE F#*K ALONE AND DIE!
2. Learn how to use your handheld/cell phone/MP3 player on your own. We don't support them. I don't care if your a director, partner or VP. Stop asking me to set it up for you, you're not even supposed to have it here. Read the employee handbook and STFU.
3. Putting the word 'help' in any part of your e-mail to the tech support group moves you to the bottom of the queue. If its in CAPS, bolded, contained in the subject line or followed by an exclamation point, you will be severely beaten.
4. Don't walk up to my desk. Read the policy and send an e-mail. You're not special unless your my boss. And if you're not my boss, you're the same as every other jackass so sit in your chair and SHUT UP!
5. Don't ask me to come to your home and fix your computer. Don't find my home number on the employee phone list and call me there. IT people also have lives, just like you-- amazing isn't it?
6. If I hear the 'you're the most important guy around here' from you, then you'd better treat me like it and never speak to me. I 0\/\/|\| YOU!
7. Do not ask me multiple times about your new pc/upgrade/order. I'll get to it. Perhaps you can scrape on by with the same equipment that you've been using for the PAST THREE F#$KING YEARS AND BE QUIETLY THANKFUL WHEN WHATEVER YOU ORDERED COMES IN. ARGHH!!!!

There's more, but I'm worried that I'll be banned if I keep on with the language. I just needed to gripe... So much anger... I think I need an admin's support group...