Sorry if this is posted somewhere else

[dinowuff]

Food for thought

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from you and understand why you would
propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex
marriage. As you said, "In the eyes of God, marriage is between a man and a
woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When
someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply
remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination...
End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of
God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,
provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3.I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I
tell? I have tried asking, but women always seem to take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2.
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him
myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10 -- it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight.I have to admit that I wear glasses. Does
my vision have to be 20/20, or can it just be correctable to 20/20?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
hair around their temples, even though Lev. 19 expressly forbids this. How
should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton and polyester blend).
He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we
go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I
know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable
expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
John H. Stein, Deputy Director
National Organization for Victim Assistance
West Coast Office
32465 NE Old Parrett Mountain Road
Newberg, Oregon 97132
503-554-1552 Fax: 503-554-1532

[Tiger Shark]

Dear Mr. John H. Stein,

I'm glad you understand my position re: Same sex marriage.

Allow me to try to outline my thoughts regarding your other issues:-

1. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

John, Canadians are a lot like America's inner city population. They are equally as lazy and expect handouts at every turn. Mexicans, on the other hand, work very hard for low wages doing the jobs that canadians would turn up their noses at or demand exhorbitant wages for. We would rather have hard workers that more lazy slackers that need their hand held.

2. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

This depends on many factors such as education and looks. If she is attractive and of age President Clinton will overlook the former and take her in his "intern" program at the new library, (very nice place, I visited today, it even has a replica of the oval office with a bed and a humidor). If she only really has education then send her out into the world to get a proper job - slavery is over-rated.

3. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but women always seem to take offense.

I get this question a lot from those of you with little real world experience. The answer is in subtlety. Asking outright is dumb and frankly something I would expect from someone like yourself. Every self respecting man knows that a quick peek on the lady's purse will reveal a plethora of little circular, paper wrapped tubes. These are a dead giveaway. Of course, if you weren't chasing women and sticking to your wife you would know _exactly_ when she was beginning to menstruate, wouldn't you?????

4. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

Why? If you are pleasing your Lord why care about the neighbors. He'll take care of them if they get uppitty.....

5. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

I was going to refer this to the Attorney General but he resigned. That having been said, don't you think you are taking some of this stuff a little far? You may be suffering from PEST, (Post Election Selection Trauma), seek help in Florida.

6. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

Well there most certainly are. Michael Moore is an abomination, shellfish are not. I enjoy shellfish myself, I do not enjoy homosexuality, (not that I actually tried it - kind of like a kid with their mushrooms - they never tried it but they know they don't like them).

7. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or can it just be correctable to 20/20?

The content of your missive clearly shows that you wouldn't be correctable to 20/20 if god himself came down and did the surgery.... Give it up Bucko....

8. How should they die?

Easy, by natural causes, next....

9. but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

You demonstrate the origin of the phrase "the unwashed masses".... Shower... Numbnutz!!!

10. This is a two part question. Please try to maintain an organized numbering system for your questions.

10a. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?

Drugs are illegal. Therefore, having a party to get them stoned is similarly illegal. Please send the address of the party, the new Attorney General would be pleased to send his representatives.

10b. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws?

Are you suggesting that we carpet bomb President Clinton's home state with Napalm?

John, you are clearly a liberal of the n'th degree. You read things and believe them wholeheartedly without any thought whatsoever. That's a problem.... You probably think Fahrenheit 911 is a "documentary".... You need serious help.

I have a bible study meeting at the White House on November 27th at 7:00pm if you are interested in attending.

Your President

George W Bush
(Still in ) The White House
Washington DC, (Baby)

[debwalin]

Thanks dino! I posted it on a couple of other forums and e-mailed it to other like minded people. I got lots of compliments on it, so I wanted to pass them along to you.

[dinowuff]

PEST, (Post Election Selection Trauma),

FOTFLMAO

Thanks George - I mean Tiger

[Negative]

This thing is quite old, actually... it pops up once in a while in a new version. The original, I believe, was an open letter to Dr. Laura (the radio host) as a reaction to her calling homosexuality an abomination.

The almost exact same quotes later appeared in a West Wing episode, where President Bartlett (Martin Sheen) uses them to put a Dr. Laura-type in her place...

[RoadClosed]

Good one Negative. It is old and was an attack on Dr. Laura and she is NOT a Christian. Hey I know!!!!

Let's do what everyone really wants, just tattoo their arms and mark their store fronts with the star of davi.. I mean the crucifix. Did I say that?

[dinowuff]

Silly me I thought I found something new. Turns out Negative is right.

If anyone is interested here is one of the various sites

http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_drl.htm

[debwalin]

S'okay dino, it was new to me, and apparently to the people that read it where I posted it. I'm not a West Wing'er, so I missed it there, and Dr. Laura makes me wretch, so I avoided anything to do with her.

Let's do what everyone really wants, just tattoo their arms and mark their store fronts with the star of davi.. I mean the crucifix. Did I say that?

RoadClosed, I'm not sure what you meant by that, but from my interpretation, you're suggesting I have no tolerance for Christians? This is not the case. My entire family (parents, sister, aunt and uncle) are devoutly Christian, and I love them very much and spend quite a bit of time with them. You know what the difference is? They don't feel the need to shove their religion down my throat. They accept that I have my own opinion. It doesn't thrill them, but they accept it. They also accept that other people live their own lives, and they don't suggest changing the Constitution so it reads more like the Bible.

[Cybr1d]

Dinowuff, Debwalin, Tiger Shark, Roadclosed, Negative.....I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

[RoadClosed]

I am saying in General (with exceptions) the core base of the Democratic party has no tolerence for Christians. ZERO. I hear it everyday. In fact this is one example: these articles are funny and hateful at the same time, and they get gobbled up and propogated in droves. And I find it funny the original intent wasn't even directed to christians but to a Jew who is hated because she wants children to be brought up with certain standards of her society. So I think, like the Jews in Europe, there is a faction here of socialists who would just as soon have them all tattood and isolated so that they can't do us "normal" people any harm. I see a correlation. Of course it won't happen, it's fantasy but the thought occurs just the same.