Hah! I'll use a giant robotic maid complete with vacuum cleaner to suck up all of the water (stopping the tankers) and then spray it at the satellite (note to self, maid control password is 12345) (note to self... change password on luggage)
I'll then capture a bunch of sharks, attach laser beams to their heads, and use them in an improbable way to steal a nuclear missile, which I will then ship across country in a train, ignoring any large ex-navy-seal chefs or impeccably dressed english gentlemen I might see.
I'll then assemble the missile in a strange mysterious warehouse and set it up to fire at the gibson super computer while I send a band of impressive looking yet slow and inept mercenaries to abduct you, your Oracle, and your greekgoddess, and tie you all up in a room filled with useful items to escape with, or at a pinch even build a complete armoured vehicle, while I put your perfect being in a large room with lots of swords on the wall and expensive and breakable items lying around so I can gloat and explain my complete plan to her.