I had to register to make this post. Thank you so much to Big T on the first page. Avenger + MalwareBytes seems to have solved the issue. I feel so much better because I thought I had messed up a work computer. We're not supposed to use that computer for crap, and I made a stupid, unthoughtful, and lazy mistake when I was using it.

Anyways, thanks so much for your post and if anyone else has the same problem (can't get antispyware to load, UPC crap, etc) this thing definitely works. Thanks so much guys!